Christmas List

Omg I think Im going broke, but here's what I got for Christmas lool~

Stuff I got for myself (I got stuff for others too! )
1. The Little Black Dress @ H&M
2. Nail package stuff @ Secret
3. hair mask @ body shop
4. Hair detangle spray? @ body shop
5. Skin booster? @ body shop
6. clutch/small bag @ Zara <3<3<3
7. 2 pairs of jeans @ F21
8. 2 belts
9. 5 Playless necklace


Stuff that I got so far from other ppls that I know of lol:
- 2 DNKY shirts from Esther, small necklace and yummy chocolate candy
- warm slipper from Britt
- 16GB USB from the boyfriend <3 loool wut am I gonna do with all those Gs lool
- portable desk with desk lamp from Mom
- a cool vest, a dress, a tunic, and a chineseish-style shirt? from mom's friend

._. I don't have many friends and most of them r too poor n Im poor too~ X_X Praise the Lord though somehow I am able to afford these stuff, it's really amazing~

Bittersweet

wo~ havent blog for some time~ lool Just finished finals~ one more semester till I graduate (if all goes well) u_u *sigh* school can get so stressful if you know what I mean. lo *sigh* so it's like 5:52 am right now lol I got up at 4:50am this morning, cuz I just can't sleep.

I don't know how many times Im gonna tell but lol ranny's new gf don't want us to see each other ever again. It's reasonable and even if she wasnt being reasonable, it's Ranny's choice to get with her lol n I'll just leave him to it. lool. I can't help but be a little sad though, I mean he has been my closest fried (n still is) for half a almost a decade~ He's a really cool guy, I treasure him as my friend but lool she don't want us to be friends.

When Ranny told me a few weeks ago that we can only see each other at school from now on, I already knew what was up. He finally confirm it yesterday that his gf just dun want us to see each other ever again(not even in big group) so I was like, maybe invite her the next time~ It'll be fun! I have a bf too so I dun know what crack she's on~ jkin~ didn't say that but Idunno~ I feel kinda superior in a way cuz she seems to be inferior to me. lol I kinda like it too, it's like she's insecure and totally scare~ lol

we're still meeting up today though, lol I have to give him his Christmas present and his tunner (which he left in my gu zheng for like half a year) back. I don't mind keeping it for another half a a year or lool forevermore~ but I just thought he might want it back. He acts all so strange sometimes, giving me all these mix signals lool :P The price of keeping his gf :P That's how I know certain she's here to stay and not just a fling~ I wish him the best though <3 His gf/ relationship issues is not my problem lo~ cuz I'm not involve.

Anyway, I think I'm moving forward and already over it. I still love Ranny though (as a friend lo) I think there will always be a place for him, he made an impact in my life, shape it and I can't deny that. *sigh* lool Hence, I'm still blogging about him.

It's just bittersweet when I think about it. Every time I feel sad about it Kelly's Clarkson's new song just kick in!! :d Here's one of my fav! It's on repeat~

"The War Is Over"

I watch the days rush by me like a river
I shouldn't wait, but I'm scared to touch the water
I let the phone ring, why won't you believe me
I wait for silence, takes a lot not to answer

All I have to say is
You don't deserve me, you don't deserve me
I'm finally walking away
Cause you don't deserve me, and you're not worthy

And I won't let you pull me in
Because I know you're gonna win
(The war is over) but the war is over (The war is over)
And I won't fight you anymore
I never been so sure
(The war is over) cause the war is over

I used to let you paint 'em pretty pictures
You got me caught up with your "you're my girl forever"
So I forgive you, it felt good when you hold me
Yeah you owned me
Now you wish you had really known me

All I have to say is you don't deserve me, you don't deserve me
I'm finally walking away, cause you only hurt me
And you're not worthy

And I won't let you pull me in
Because I know you're gonna win
(The war is over) but the war is over (The war is over)
And I won't fight you anymore
I've never been so sure
(The war is over)

This is not my surrender
I'm not running for cover
I'm right here, I know you see me
But your words no longer defeat me
In the night when you're lonely
You remember how much you miss me
So you call, but I swear
You can try a million times, you'll get the same answer

All I have to say is you don't deserve me, you don't deserve me
I'm finally walking away, cause you only hurt me
And you're not worthy

And I won't let you pull me in
Because I know you're gonna win
(The war is over) but the war is over (The war is over)

The war is over
The war is over
The war is over
The war is over
The war is over
The war is over
The war is over

sigh~ doing so bad in school these dayz.... sighhhh

¹¹ And do this, understanding the present time: The hour has already come for you to wake up from your slumber, because our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed

Amen -

THe 8 Blessings and giving thanks

wow~ I haven't blog for so long and what a strange time I choose to blog~ The morning of my morning midterm exam.

I don't remember my password but blogger remembered and was already signed in. o_o Well... I've actually really want to blog about this last Sunday, I was just so touch and inspired by the morning service. It's a total revelation.

As you know, I got backstabbed by this so-call-friend of mine. Long story short, I felt hurt and betray. I remember calling Ranny and I told him how confused I was. It was as if everyone in his world was evil and got plans to step on you to get ahead. I have my fair share of those incidents. I never took it personally, until that day I guess, I had enough. As a result, I turned down the crappy job they had to offer and I went my own way. Me and K (lets call her that for now) are on longer friends, which neither of us care.

So the topic for that SUnday morning was this, from Matthew 5:
³ “Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
⁴ Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
⁵ Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
⁶ Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
⁷ Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
⁸ Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
⁹ Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called children of God.
¹⁰ Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

¹¹ “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. ¹² Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

As I apply for jobs and move my way up to the chain, there are going to be lots and lots more people like K. To not think so is naive. To hide and to pretend is naive. Still, it is important to choose what is to do what is right and just. Even if they take everything you ever worked so hard for, destroyed your reputation and stole your achievements, be pure in heart and trust in the Lord.

On a random note :P lol
~I thank God for everything He has given me~

Lately~ I am tempted to purchase Adele's 21 o_o lol I don't know why but I've been listening to a lot of her music lately. I also want to watch 3D Glee X_X!! *sigh* My poor hard-earn-money~ THere are also these really cool hot blazer that I've been *_* but u know~ my room is kinda messy so until I clean I'm not getting anything. 'Sides it's really expensive >__> Like really really expensive *sigh* Maybe when I get a stable income then I can afford it.

So my father notice a change in behaviour in me~ He even called me out on it yesterday~ So whatever it is, it must be huge~ because my father usually don't notice anything about me really. Although I think I have my parents convinced that it's my demanding work that I am dating and perhaps the reason why I'm always so happy suddenly is because my boss has already driven me to insanity.

So my schedule looks hectic next week. I mean HECTIC! It's crazy, like I have to make time for family dinner. lol Not even bible study just eating at home. Maybe I should make more of an effort to spend more time with my family. So here's wut it looks like:

Monday - work, potluck dinner ^_<
Tuesday - badminton, chilling out with ya know~
Wednesday - work, tai chi, gu zheng (trying to fit everything in)
Thursday - gu zheng at night
Friday - maybe scrabble, maybe not
Saturday - Don't know yet
Sunday - Don't know yet

Hmm I need more time to practice gu zheng~ have to memorize some music x_X for Nov examination

Current Music: Set Fire To The Rain - Adele

2 years after the departure of my first relationship, I found another. Although it still hurts so much to see Ranny with some girl, I'm finally slowly moving on. I created an illusion that I was over him long ago, had my life all planned out, so eager to see what's next. But it's only an illusion, those who know me knows that Im still hurting...

So today I was at a wedding. Lots of funny stuff happened, all I can say is that my friend really knows how to select flower boys. lol!~ Anyway, when I have my wedding some day, the only person I want to be thinking about is my future hubby. Although I still love Ranny and I don't think this love will die unless I die too, there is a bright warm future waiting and calling to me.

<3 Tyler Ward

Confession

So my stats final is coming up right, I really need to study. Especially since I mad fail the midterm with half the class~ The class average was 59%.Even if they bell it up, it wouldn't do that good for me. u_u So I really need to get perfect in like everything.

Work-wise, I have SOOO much to do! Just so much on my plate. T_T Have to rush something done tonight for my one and only~ u_u *sigh*

Social Life? Seeing this friend of mine a lot lately o_o Like every other day. I see his parents too, I play badminton with his father. So I don't know~ I know he likes me tho I'm not sure if he's just playing or what not. Frankly speaking, I don't want a relationship, and I hope I made it clear with him. I don't think he wants one either. But if this is just all fun and games then there should be some type of boundaries? If not, then I should set some. Hm.... o.O

sdf

I'm very sorry to bother you, I won't ask again. u_u

>_< *sigh*~ I'll just deal with it.

One minute I'm laughing about Rainbow Bat Man, the next, I crash in disappointment. I went out to see this old friend of mine, did some stats, watched a movie, drove in mist (I mean mist! couldn't see a thing), had so much great laughter. After that, I had to drive myself back home in this HUGE thunderstorm. I thought the mist was bad, but the thunderstorm was SOOO BAD!! I literally couldn't see a thing. When I was turning into my street I don't know, I think I felt a very very small bomb on my car (like I hit something) O__O I am praying to God that it was nothing, it was becuz the road was bumby or something. I don't recall seeing anything. There were A LOT of rain, but when I turn, I turned pretty slowly, and I just don't recall seeing anything there. And I don't know why anyone would be there in a middle of a crazy thunderstorm? If not then, it may be a small animal or something? o.O It decides to take advantage of this pouring rain? yea... Or (and I think the most likely) a small branch or something, or something dropped something, a bottle or I dunno...

I got out of the car to go inside the house, that few second was enough to soak me. That's how bad it is out there. u_u

*sigh* and now... I feel so down. My boss lectured me the entire day today. Even after I got home, she called and discovered more issues with me. *sigh* I really don't know how to handle it. I know that she kept repeating herself cuz I'm not doing it. But sigh I dunno. u___________u sigggggggggggggggggggggggggh

Aftermath

So the exam didn't go well. I should have known that the ADMS ppls/courses/exams always, I MEAN ALWAYS~ find some ways to screw it over. I don't wanna repeat how they screw me over (tho I admit, I could have done better on my part, it definately wasn't my best u_u)


So I started preparing for finals. I got a quiz next week or something. *sigh* Getting some help from a friend on Wed, so doing my prep now. I still have to send my draft for the catalog for work by tonight. X_X So much stuff to do.

Today, I went to pick up my grad present for brit. If I have time and finds my mom's ipod touch lying around, I'll take a pic of it and post it lol. n omg~~ So I was at pmall today, didn't expect to buy anything else. I went into the CD store and usually, even if I want to buy something, the prices are a total turn off. But today, I found Alan's Best Of Album!!! For A REALLY REALLY GOOD PRICE!! It was still a bit expensive, but for the deal that I was getting, :D:D:D ^-^ I'm sooo happy. I have her album just standing there on my desk right now, her smile is too sweet to just put it away. Now that I think about it, the last album I got was FIR's Love Diva. It was like 2/3 years ago? lol I don't know~ I also saw Koda Kumi and I kinda wanna get her tour stuff. Cept, I find that their stuff is not compatible to our DVD, which means that I can only watch it on comp. But if I can watch it on comp, mine was well just youtube it something. Hm~ I do like Koda Kumi, there was a point in time (I think it was during her Kingdom era) that I debated and debated if I should get her CD. I'm still debating but she doesn't have the same appeal as Alan where something in me is just itching to own it. lol If it was a different CD cover, like her walking or something, I don't think I would have gotten it. hmm.. Let me find a picture, and you'll see what I mean.

http://images4.fanpop.com/image/photos/18900000/alan-new-album-JAPAN-PREMIUM-BEST-MORE-alan-18980131-400-400.jpg

lol like how can you say no to that. lol In comparison to this:

http://www.google.ca/imgres?imgurl=http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-UWACCvPqwYE/TVagnlUh6rI/AAAAAAAASgU/REdWRo5WMiY/s400/kk2007.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.twins-azalea.co.cc/2011/02/dvd-koda-kumi-koda-kumi-live-tour-2007.html&usg=__GoFFqN8vZRDJMfATBk6ibjOYxJ0=&h=400&w=283&sz=41&hl=en&start=0&zoom=1&tbnid=BTmj9dpJyg63iM:&tbnh=123&tbnw=86&ei=208BTpr9Hcm_tgfx2oT-DQ&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dkoda%2Bkumi%2Btour%2Bdvd%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26biw%3D1024%26bih%3D556%26tbm%3Disch&um=1&itbs=1&iact=rc&dur=392&page=1&ndsp=19&ved=1t:429,r:14,s:0&tx=34&ty=65&biw=1024&bih=556

Stats II Exam

Soo Midterms on Sat~ And lately, I feel so so so guilty, cuz I just feel like I havent study enough yet. Instead of studying, my eyes are on the net looking at bags and shoes and sales lol x_x I told myself that I am not going shopping until after midterms but that doesn't keep my heart from flying there. lol *sigh* I did all 5 chapters MC test bank yesterday. It was so cruel. lol

omg~ Funny thing that happened today. ommmmggg~ so I made an appointment with my TA (kinda) (he's my age, if not, then he's a year younger than me) for like extra help cuz I like failed the MC. lol~ Long story short, he agreed to meet me for 1 hour only and he reminded me (which I really did totally forgot) his work hours. So you see~ it was all professional and just business ~ Still, my sister thought that appointment was inappropriate. Considering that it was not at his work hours, we met elsewhere (Timmys) instead of the school... but that was becuz it was more convenient for him ( well both of us actually) And in a way, I get it~ It doesn't look good for both of us~ So it won't happen again~ Especially after what happened today LOLOL

omg... where do I begin? Ok so~ He arrived a bit late and we got right into regression analysis. Suddenly, he received a call and he was like "I'm helping a friend with stats rite now~ ttul~ lunch after (w.e the convo was)" lol

Some time later, some older guy walked in and he was like "hey~ how come you're here?" My TA responded "helping a friend with stats" Then he responded something and immediately, the TA got really frustrated and angry that he was disturbing us. He made this gesture to show him that like I was there. But he doesn't seem to get it, he kept talking to him, until you can tell that the TA was really really annoyed. Then he like asked to borrow money from him or something~ So my TA pull up some money and gave it to him, and he left. My TA was p-i-s-s-e-d! lol that guy like robbed him. lol The entire time, I was just trying to pretend like I didn't notice anything.

So the studying continued, however, I think the TA still felt annoy and he was not very umm... he was not in a good mood. THEN Suddenly!!! That guy came back. He took a seat beside my TA, turned his body toward us, and was like watching us. lolol omg it was soooo awk!! lol I don't even know what he was doing, he was just sitting there watching us. We were both like o.O - pretending not to notice anything, just studying the formulas and books. So for like a good 20-30 minutes, that's what he was doing. I didn't even look at him cuz again, I was pretending to not notice anything.

After some time, he finally left. When the one hour is up, my TA was like "o~ where did he go?" SO I said, "o~ I think your friend left already (I only said his friend cuz I know it couldn't be his father)" Then he said, "lol, that's my uncle."

loool~ So jokes~ I don't know why, but I get a strange feeling that his uncle made some comments about me or something. I have no idea, I tried not to eardrop. I will also withhold comments I have about his uncle out of respect for my TA ~of course~ lol

Anyway, I think people (like my sister or even maybe that uncle guy) think that there might be something going on, but it's all in their heads. lol My TA is definitely a good guy, I would write a letter of reference for him, but he's my TA. That's that~

I'm really really upset right now... I want to play badminton. There's a tourney this Sunday and I need practice. But my immature father decides to have a little fun and lectures me on crap before I can take the car to go. Crap like you already played yesterday, do you know your own family's schedule today? I didn't even know why I even ask... >_> Should have just took the car and they call me. They don't need the other car, he was just trying to make it hard for me and I won't go. Congratz~ You got what you wanted, I'm not going. The reason is this:

1) I have to pay to play, so every minute we spend on this meaningless convo counts. I'm using my own money (I don't even have an income >_>) so if I'm not getting the full amount of playing time, I usually just don't go.

2) I RATHER NOT TALK TO YOU THAN PLAY BADMINTON. I love this sport but if it means to talk to you and all, I rather not play. At this point, I don't ever want to speak to you again. You gave church/fellowship such a bad name to me. Your style and your way of behaviour makes me sick. Yes, you're a hardworking father trying to control 5 children. However, I cannot stand your sick humour. You always complain how I never speak my mind, but that's because I don't think the environment is safe to speak on what was really on my mind.

I am eager to leave this house, to break the stupid dumb outdated 60s rules. To rid of your sick influences. I don't need your permission or your approval to make my own decision and live my life. I hate how you control freaks tries to dictates my life. I use to think that I owe my live to my parents, I use to be grateful that my parents love me enough to tolerate me and not have me thrown out the window like what happened to my neighbors. But now I realize that I owe you people nothing. Instead, you owe me A LOT MORE! I don't want to use the word hate, but I strongly dislike you people rite now. What you've done to me.

I don't know what to say. I just want to get out of this house. It's not just me, Esther and Joyce, we all want to leave.


Frige, I can't believe I tried asking permission to live my own life. SO I was like "fine, I'll walk there! Take the damn car to the many damn fellowships that we have to go!"

Deactivated FB

Yeah~ the deed was done yesterday morning after some thinking... Until the stalker craze die down, I'm not going back on fb. I know it was just one crazy creepy loser freak and I can always fb block him, but still... I feel more comfortable if I can't be found at all. I blocked him on msn too and yea... u_u What a creep and complainer~ I don't care who are mutual friends~ even if it's Brit's or Ranny's, that was probably one of the most idiotic child I've talk to.

Anyway, what I learned today or past few days (haven't blog awhile)

-do NOT talk to strangers ever again!!! (no matter how pitiful they are, how dumbingly entertaining they are, or even somehow they manage to be charming; demonstrating values) talking to a person that you do not know is a NO-NO!!

-do tasks with an urgency~ to do it now, not later!!

-changing my style, maybe even just copying a celebrity style ~ whatever it is, is better than sloppy joe T_T I'm looking at Blake Lively and :D liking it~

Current Music: Sparks Fly - Tyler Ward & Julia Sheer

found this today

沒發生的事，不要胡說；做不到的事，別亂說；
傷害人的事，不能說；討厭的事，對事不對人的說；
開心的事，看埸合說；傷心的事，不要見人就說；
別人的事，小心的說；自己的事，聽聽自己的心怎麼說；
現在的事，做了再說；未來的事，未來再說

lol as for 2day... did some math today... some.. u_u having trouble w/ forecasting u\-u I just don't get it and it's too tideous. I think decision analysis is easier... \>_< hmm let's see baddy tourney tomorrow. Wish me luck!! :P

No Internet Connection

So my dad decided to um change Internet company, which means that during this transitional, there'll be no Internet in our house. >_> So instead, I went to my a nearby college and used my sister's account to log on to their computers. Hm~ Yeah~ Everyone in the house is looking for alternative ways for Internet connection. Jojo drove to McDonald and did something stupid. I don't know, a lot of the times, I just don't understand what it is that he was thinking. Anyway, thank God I knew about the no internet situation like yesterday when I came home from night school, and not like on Friday - the current most important date: 2012 course selection at 5:30. Not only do I need the basic Internet, I need high speed if I am gonna win the battle of first come first serve enrolment.

O yea, just yesterday, I was at the bookstore and I found this like resume/cover letter book and it got me thinking. I was really tempted to buy it. Something just touched me, I felt moved and motivated. I had a huge debate and I'm still debating weather or not I should get it. It's like $20 and I don't know, yea maybe I should get it. lol It inspired to blog more about my day~ lol

About my day, I started work today. I failed the first impression and learned hat I'
m not suppose to bring a binder because I don't want to look like a student. What I want to be/ look like is something that is promotional material. So I will need to dress better and bring better stuff - more professional pens,folder,notebook. Taskwise it went okay~ Not bad, surprisingly. I made a small error but I was able to fix it and act like nothing was wrong. ^^ll I'll be much more careful next time. Other than that, there aren't anything else.

O and since there's no internet, I played a lot more gu zheng. I finished JJLin's Jiang Niam (o.O) and started Lady Gaga's Speechless, 2NE1's it hurt, BoA's Jewel Song, BoA's Every Heart~ Currently perfecting Jay Chou's An Jing~ It's too bad that I don't have a video camera. My dad said he got one and they are shipping it but I don't know when it will arrive. My boss is interested in seeing my youtube channel, so that she will get an idea of how I interactive with my social media audenice, which right now, is like 0 on youtube. X_X

hm I think blogspot is having some issues lately~ Anyways... Life is same old~ feeling kinda down~ lol wants to have so much more but doesn't seem like I'm achieve anything. I want to go to a prestigious school. My dream schools are Harvard, Princeton, Yale, Duke, Cambridge, and Oxford. But from the looks of it, my chances are so slim. *sigh* If only...

*sigh* Recently, well I don't think it's recent, more like ever since he got a new gf lol, I've been missing him so much~ T_T Kept trying to laugh it off but at the end of the day, and I'm alone, I just want to call him up~ but he's in HK or wherever he might be~ point is, I can't just call him. Even if we're friends and friends talk on the phone, it just don't work like that... Not when you are on the other side of the world with yr gf.

Funny~ cuz that's one of the reason why I wanted to end it is that he'll be traveling around the world with his friends (guys and GIRLS *coughcough >_> not gonna say who) and I'll be stuck at home all by myself. The reality is that even if I were to be still with him, I will still be like this~ down~ cuz a part of me just wants to be wherever he is, which is impossible (as of right now). sigh

I hope you learn to cherish the things you have like today's the last. I hope you appreciate the things process as if it's the only thing you have. I hope you learn from your past mistakes.

I wish you will fall in love with me again someday...

I got this feeling that it might just happen~

moving on~ It's my father's bday today~ Happy bday daddy!! n I'm really hungry. I should sleep soon

From This Day On Part I

Too much time wasted on nothing. So, I wanna try something. I guess it can be a project... Im not doing very well right now. Still waiting for my call back. Still trying to do math. Still not knowning as many vocabs or reading as many books as I intended to. Still not jogging everday. It just seem like Im falling short in so many areas. Still, at the end of the day, I dont know why, but none of that stuff matters that much to me. Doesnt matter how many motivational speech or inspiration quotes, everything seems to loses its purposes after that height of emotion pass.

My friend said something to me the other day that keeps bugging me. Its one of those things thats just disturbing. She said Im a poor self evaluator and I always let my pride get in way. This pride is hindering my learning. I wanted to deny it but I thought back, and shes right.

I want to change that. Especially since pride got in the way with my relationship with Ranny and I vowed (lol) to eliminate anything that will hurt my relationship. So this summer, I am going learn to be a better learner. Maybe make this world a better place, simply because this is something that God wants right... and it helps with motivation... it sounds simple...

According to my research, before we get the receipt for being a good learner (then lifelong learners). I found some important concepts.

- Learning is a sport, you must make what you learn apart of yourself
- you can learn anything when you put your mind to it
-perseveres and does not become frustrated or discouraged when items are not easily understood at first.
-A good learner will realize that in many instances, learning is not always a spontaneous event, but something that is realized over a period of time.

Now comes the what I call it the 10 Learning Commandments!!

1. willing to put some time and effort into it - don't expect it just to happen.
2. study regularly and frequently
3. always think of yourself as a beginner
4. have a method: prepare,participate, review (on time and regularly)
5. able to share (ideas and knowledge)
6. remains focused on the subject matter at hand until it is well ingrained.
7. have good time mgmt skills
8. monitor the accuracy of what they say, noticing the teacher's corrections and reformulations and learning from them
9. take every opportunity to practise, including talking to themselves
10. goal orientated and self-efficacy

Thatès it for today. Not feeling very well right now. Need to sleep. Nite

Fireworks~

Happy Victoria Day~ Guess what I'll be doing on Vic holiday Monday~ the HRSA oreientation~ wohoo~ Hm I don't know, but I'm actually not that excited about it. I think the allocation of my position lowered my morale lol. But there are only 2 generalist position. That means that I don't have to cry about it. lol mhm~ u_u I guess Im kinda excited to meet new people. But it's like on Monday night. >_>

I really wanna post up my gu zheng vids but lol no camera. x_x

Current Music: You - Koda Kumi

Spring? SUmmer?

So turn out that the reason why all my joints are hurting/itching/burning/red/ weak/ etc... are not because of RA (thank God) but of allergic reaction. So I went to the doctors and he said it's caused by the strange weather lately. So my joints got confused so they inflamed. lol I don'tknow, but after taking some expire (didn't know until after I read the box) medication it all slowly went away.

Current Song: Jar of Heart - Glee

.

Live~ As if there's nothing to lose.

Disappointed

So instead of giving me what I applied for (VP of Public Relation, VP of Admin., VP of Operation), guess what creative role HRSA decides to bestow me - the HRSA Generalist. Sounds pretty good eh~ Wait until you get to the job roles and responsibilities.

‐ Identify and manage tasks and issues that are not being addressed 
‐ Be aware of all events and activities that are taking place in order to 
contribute your skills effectively 
‐ Contribute to group discussions and meetings on all topics and occasions
‐ Be a helping hand to fellow council members as much as possible 

In other words, we have someone better for those more important VP positions. Still, we can use more help, so here's a position that we just made up. Like literally, there was no such position before. >_> I know they got over 200 applications but I really thought I'll get a seat at the VP position. T_T In a way, I'm really disappointed. I really wanted a VP position, for looks on my resume. u_u Now I'm a generalist. Which doesn't sound THAT bad, but still... T___T Now I'm bfless, jobless, and VPless T__T

I hope there's only one generalist. If I find out in orientations that there are like 5 other generalists I'll like cry. *sigh* If I were to take advantage tho of this situation, this might give me a chance to learn all the roles (admin, operation,PR, communication, finance, and so on). I can also now set my heart on joining the baddy team or maybe find a PT job too. I don't know...

a

I don't know what it is... Maybe it's Ranny (lol), maybe it's the medication, maybe it's cuz I'm jobless, but I suddenly lost motivation. There is no amount of jackets that can make me happy. No music can lift me. No food can comfort me.

I lost that drive to succeed, that thirst to win. I don't feel like doing anything. This sense of nothingless is wasting my time. *sigh* Let's talk about something more interesting, something more enlightening.

Politics~ Whoever thought politics are for the old and dying are obviously just plain ignorant. I get o.O whenever my classmates/ friends express their zero interest in politics. Although their reasons are fair enough I suppose (for them), but I don't understand why shouldn't you be concern on what is happening in the very place that you live in. Even if you don't have a say, your voice won't be heard anyway, I think it's important to be aware of what is happening.

For those who were on vacation during the 2011 election (Ranny), missed a critical mark in Canadian history. lol And now the background stories are out. Behind the scene, the strategies used, the techniques and methods that were executed by our majority government Harper was just brilliant. Layton too played well, like a true politician. Cunning and manipulative. Targeting young people and those who are not in favour of any parties. Liberals, on the other hand, just fell apart. Just like how Globe and Mail put it - the leaderless Liberals.

On another note, I really wanna buy aLan's Voice of You. u_u lol That was completely random. lo

Gonna do some stats now....

bored

Dear blogspot~

I'm so bored. I'm debating if I should call Micah. He's the only friend who I can talk to. *sigh* Sounds depressing. But I don't know. How is it that I have over 500 friends on fb yet I can't talk to anyone of them at a more personal level? The only person who I ever feel comforting just randomly calling is Ranny. lol And even with him, it all has change now. I can still call Micah I suppose, but I don't really have much to say. I'm just calling cuz I can't find something better to do? Hm... See I don't want to be such a bother.I would rather be all by myself then be troublesome/annoying. lol

Hm~ Other then that, I spend the whole day watching this British drama show. I forget what it's call but is about this call girl living this double life. It's kinda interesting and listening to her British accent was simply delightful~ lol

Current Music: 悲しみは雪に眠る- aLan

張愛玲寫給女人的49句話 ( a few of them lo)

不要去好奇，不要去關心，他的現任女友長得如何？身材如何？你這樣只是自尋煩惱罷了

不是所有的努力都會成功，但是，不努力，就一定不會成功

放好心態，失去的東西，不要悲傷，你就當，他本身就不屬於你。

儘量做個優雅的女子，千萬別做作，因為，做作的女人，不僅女人討厭，男人更討厭

獨立，永遠。不管，感情還是金錢

20歲以下，你相信偶像劇，那就算了。20歲以上，你還相信偶像劇，那就完了

不要做女強人，要做強女人。

Tangled

First week of summer school just got started and it was BORRINNNNNNNGGGG!! I think Im gonna drop OHS and take something else. Cuz the prof cannot teach AT ALL!! It's not just boring it's draining. It really feels like a waste of time.

Anyway, I saw Tangled yesterday. Yes, it came out on DVD like a long time ago, but I didn't get to see it till yesterday. I just wanna say that Mandy Moore is like one my fav fav fav actress~ and Repunzel is like my fav princess. Why? Cuz it's my first big story I can read and understand all by myself in Chinese. ^^ll *sigh*

um~ O yea~ I now have confidence - in stats that's 95%I think (lol)that Ranny's gf is indeed stalking me on fb. lool SHe does it pretty frequently~ Like whenever I have an update she'll be checking on my profile lol using Ranny's account of course. But see, Ranny hardly ever uses fb and if he does, he'll be just replying to a comment or getting some YTSA club promotion out. Unless all of a sudden, after he get a new gf, he is now all curious about his ex~ LOL which is not likely :P Oh~ I know him too well~ lol

I'm not sure if I blog about this already. So I'll just keep all my side-comments to myself. *sigh* Ranny's a special one lol.

Sooo yeaa~ It's been some time since I posted pics~ so I'll post a today.







lol was gonna post more.. but it wont let me so maybe next time~~ lol

yay~`

So all the marks are out!! and YAY I GOT AN A in Roots of Canada or something like that~ And this essay AI wrote actucally qualified to compete for the William West something Prize lol!! Although the prize is nothing huge, but what an honour to be selected~ Top 2 papers in class!! You know how big my class is? lol BIG!!

Overall, I'm pretty happy with the results this year. The lowest mark was like a C+ from OD >_> but I was sick for that whole week (fever n everything) couldn't study. u_u Everything else was not bad too~ Thank God~ lol my psy prof bumped me up to a B. So even though I almost failed my final I end up with a B. ^-^ yay~~ OMG n econ was a shocker too~ cuz the final was soo cruel!! we all walked out the exam room shooking our heads~ sighing~ n alot of ppls failed/ did really bad. I actually did ok~ N honestly, I didnt study that much. yayyyy~~~

Very very happy~ Sigh* As for Ranny, he's in HK right now. I called him for advice recently and turn out that I made a long distance call. It's funny cuz even now, after all these time, the fact that he's sharing his life with someone else is still really bothering me. u_u n to be honest, I think I'll just have to live with it.

After finding out that he's in HK, n chances are, he's with his gf. Somehow, something inside of me changed. I don't want to feel sorry for myself, but I can't get the whole thing out of my system either. Instead, I am now obsessing to be something. I have started cross-country again every morning (well.. Mon-Fri lol) at 7am, cuz I wanna be skinny n pretty n energetic. Gonna get my room cleaned up. Gonna practice everyday to put my cons on. Gonna do this and that. But no matter what I do, I always seems to be thinking about him. Pathetic eh~ o~ love makes us all fools~


Current Music: Failling - Tyler Ward

another one....

I've been listening to a lot of songs lately and suddenly, the thought of Ranny and his new girl came up in my mind again. So I told myself, I don't want you back! I don't want you back! I don't want you back! I don't know if I'm pretending or what not, but I just want to have a peace of mind. Every time he comes up in my mind, he triggers this whole mixture of emotion and attitude - hurt, happiness, anger, thankfulness, jealousy (gasp), patheticalism (lol no such world but o well), love, hate, annoyance, I can go on and on. Point is, I don't want you back. Just leave already. You have no place here. I don't need you anymore. I can make my own decision. I don't need your advice. I don't need or want your entertainment. You're free to go! Dismissed!

I saw strangers again by wongfu production, and it was difficult to watch. For them, it was a year and a half. For me and Ranny, it was over 4 years (not including the meeting and chase stage lol) I really hate these stages they say, maybe it's cuz they're so real, I really hate it. So so much. I would never ever want a relationship like that. It's too late for me and Ranny tho, we're strangers now. He got a new girl. I really don't know what to say... I don't know what to think. I really don't know how to deal with this.

You know how you would wish to live at this moment forever. Especially for youth,we wish that these years will go on n on ~ Well, I wish the opposite, I wish time will pass even faster. I wish time will really take flight~ I wish in a blink of an eye we'll all be old~ I think I wanna return to my heavenly father.

I'm not afraid of getting hurt, but this pain is just eating me. It leaves me so confuse. *sigh* but the break up is done. The storm has passed. It could only get better.

happy easter weekend everyone

dunno y~ but I feel like crying...

Dear Blogspot

Thanks to my good friend Micah, I came to the realization of the consequences. As a result, I have decided to accept it. I can no longer deny or fool myself, I will now live with the consequences and bare with the hardship that it might bring.


On a more positive note, Justin Beiber's Baby~ is completed~ However, I have no vid camera~ lool But Micah is coming over next week to play some music, so I'll ask him to bring his and we'll record something. Hm~ He plays erhu tho so I wonder how that's gonna turn out lol

Done and Done

SO I finished all my finals today. It was so cruel. How they had 2 exams on a Sunday morning 10am and another one at 7pm -10pm. I drove to school today and I drove my friend home too, since buses only comes like once every hour at time or not even. Turns out he didn't know where he live, which I still find it amusing. SO I spend like an hour trying him around and finally got it. Then when I was coming home, I took a wrong turn and I had to drive round and round again. That and also some dangerous situation where this car was going to turn left, but wasn't. Its head was just sitting on my lane and I was coming down my lane at 70. It was actually really scary. I didn't have time to think, I just cut onto the other side, THANK GOD there were no cars there or else I would have hit someone. I should have like beeped the car. >_>

Anyway the exams. Oh my! Both exams were just cruel. I have no idea how I did T_T Somehow I'm not as depressed though. I think I'm bogged down bout Ranny lol Hopefully it's the last of him on Raining Jewels. *Sigh* Its funny how one text, one phone call can get me so happy. It's like I'm on drug or something. Another txt (just completely random like "cool~ nice") can completely loses that happy, excited, smiley effect. The mood swing is getting annoying. Even if I say I don't want to think about it anymore, 1 month down the row will be the same. I really want to forget about him. Him and what's her face. u_u sigh~

lol econd study: tax

lol So I was just studying my econ exam and it was on tax payroll. Who (employer or employee) gets more and so on~ and I was just thinking to myself, 'I dun want to pay tax. lool If I make more I'll have to pay a craze amount of tax (especially in CND. So then I went to do bible study and guess what it was on?

“This is also why you pay taxes, for the authorities are God’s servants, who give their full time to governing. Give to everyone what you owe them: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor.” - Romans 13:6-7

o_o I think God is speaking to me~ lool :P

SUMMER PLAN 2011

List of things to do in the summer 2011!

-Go to the beach
-Go to the HUMA field trip!
-Completion of summer gu zheng project
-Completion of Stats 2
-Completion of prep gu zheng examination in Oct
-Completion of summer HR work term
-Getting a new look
-Plan and prep for graduation in 2012
-study plan + course selection
-find HR employment
-academic appointment to ensure 2012 grad
-save up enough money to repay OSAP

can't help procrastinating

so instead of studying for econ and huma I ended up developing songs on gu zheng. Katy Perry's Teenage Dream and one of Joey Yung's song. N I'm thinking of doing Journey's Faithfully too~ Currently my entire head is just trying to transcribe notes to gu zheng *sigh* u_u wut am I gonna do? The exam is on this coming SUnday. I kept thinking that I still have time but I dont think so. Everyone is studying so hard. The econ exam is on chap 6,7,8,9,10,11 X_X that's 6 chapters and for HUMA I have over like 100 pages of reading to do (single space)

oo~ someone save me~

n omg I got my psy finals back. Almost fail it. >_> And I can't believe I am .8% away from getting a B... .8%!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE JUST GIVE IT .8% ME I NEED IT T_T *sigh* lol I feel like blaming this on Ranny. If only he and his girl gotten together maybe a day later I would have done better on my psy exam, cuz I would have actually read the chapter on the psychology of Love, Passion, and Sexual Attraction >__> *sigh* That is why I need to study for econ and huma!!! to Bring my gpa back up!!! go go go!!!

美丽的神话

Funny~ Its been awhile lol and I still find myself thinking bout him from time to time~ lol *sigh* I never fails to amuse myself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h35Eo9TWV2M

o~ wut beautiful music~ the erhu sound as if it's crying and just screaming in agony. lol I'm trying to get my friend to play this with me ~ but neither of us can actually play it~ lol I lack the skills n he lacks the er hu scores >_< still trying to find it.

So 3 exams are down and 2 mores to go. THere's sooo much to study from Econ >_< and HUMA too~ but HUMA should be easy I suppose. It's mostly review but econ it's >___< help me!!

gu zheng music upload on the way

so I found this gold mine site!~! It got all these gu zheng morden music scores!!! Like Eason Chen, Jacky Chen, Korean OSTs and so on~ I tried some and I definitely needs some time. lol I want to start a summer project and upload these video (when I perfect them) on youtube~ Maybe one new song a week~ :P loll

Current music: Tunes of Rainbow Cloud <3 (my all time fav gu zheng song) - Yuen Sha

Family Bible Study

A tree grows all it can be. A person too should choose to be a tree and grow as big and as strong it can be. The bible says that a good tree bears good fruit, and a good person will have good results. To have good results you must be good and to do that, like a tree, you must develop. The heart must be nurtured (shoring/ stocking) and so it’s important to withstand the weather, the seasons, and fight the evil in the heart, because the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.

In communication: have something good to say. That comes from the goodies that you stored up.

______________________________________

I called a friend of mine today, just need to rant about the Ranny incident. Even though I am over it, I still can't stop thinking and dreaming about it. My friend response that it's cuz I'm not over it and that I am delusional. I find it interesting, because I don't feel depressed / sadden (maybe just a little bit lol) about it anymore. Still, today, I find myself talking about Ranny to my sister while shopping the whole time.

I think this effect is affecting my daily life. Interrupting with productivity and my decision making process. I want to get rid this constant Ranny thinking lol. My friend say it just takes time, but its been like what some time now and still, it persist and I think it's getting worse. Time is not healing and I need to move on. He cannot stall me any longer. This time is about me Ranny. Leave me. >_<

Lady Gaga - No Way

I saw a shadow,
And I knew that it wasn't mine

You and her, I know that you were intertwined
Even though her clothes were on and everything
Your eyes were somewhere else and you were both
To blame

Don't say a word, I'm sure that it won't
Be enough
To erase what I know
Just happens now what dreams are made of

This is my house and I won't allow the disrespect
Baby don't look at me like that, I don't belong to you

Cause baby now that your caught what am I supposed to say?
When you're so wrong in what you did
But I still feel this way
I can't believe it or forget it, what I saw that day
And if you're wonderin' if I'm staying

The answer is no way
No way ay-ay-ay
No way ay-ay-ay
No way ay-ay-ay-ee-ay-ee-ay-ee-ay

And then I saw something I know did not belong to me
But then I thought there was no way you would do that to me
And then last week when you went outside to use your phone
I felt a chill but told myself that it was from the cold

And I just woke up but I wish that it was a nightmare
'Cause when I have those it isn't real like this one is
This is my heart and I won't allow the disrespect
Baby don't look at me like that, I don't belong to you

'Cause baby now that you're caught what am I supposed to say
When you're so wrong in what you did
But I still feel this way
I can't believe it or forget it, what I saw today
And if you're wonderin' if I'm staying

The answer is no way
No way-ay-ay-ay
No way-ay-ay-ay
No way-ay-ay-ay-ee-ay-ee-ay-ee-ay

Get your things and go
You can take the dinner leftover from last night
I made you your favorite goodbye

'Cause baby now that you're caught what am I supposed to say
When you're so wrong in what you did
But I still feel this way
I can't believe it or forget it, what I saw today
And if you're wonderin' if I'm staying

The answer is no way
No way-ay-ay-ay
No way-ay-ay-ay
No way-ay-ay-ay-ee-ay-ee-ay-ee-ay

Ehh-heeeeeeyyyyyy-ohhhhhhhh-noo way
No way

Hail!

Somehow I started rewatching Code Gegass lol~ At such a busy time of exam, I'm rewatching anime. Although it's one of Ranny's fav. anime and yes~ I have lots of those memories of watching this anime with him, I didn't rewatch it relive those memories. It somehow just came up on youtube, so I started watching and something insightful came to my mind.

All that the main character Lulu (short.)wanted is to built a happy peaceful world where his little sister Nunnerly can live and be happy. Who knew it would become such a mess? In the process of creating this world that his little sister didn't even ask for, he lost his first love and childhood friend Euphinee (or however you spell her name), his good friend Shirley, his half brother Cloves (tho. he didn't like him much anyway), his pretended brother Rolo, his father and even his beloved mother, fought against his once most loyal bodyguard, his sister too (tho she came back later on fighting on the other side), and he pretty much became isolated from everyone. In the end, he died as well.

Still, no matter how the storyline twist, no matter what happened, he kept going. Whose blood he shed, those hatred built, he just kept going. There were times where he did tried using drugs and Kallen (lol) to comfort himself. Oh~ The pain he must be feeling~

Somehow this shed a new light in my life. What happened to me was nothing in comparison to what happened to Lulu .Still, even if I was him, there is no way I will pay that kind of price. All along, he had a tragic end in mind. But it doesn't have to be that way. But it's no wonder he planned his death. I wouldn't want to live either if I had pay such an unnecessary price. Still, I do find me and Lulu a bit alike. We both have an idealistic future in mind, one of happiness. To do so, we had to make trades off. In order to rebuilt something you must destroy it first. So he tried to destroy Brittian (or however you spell it >_>) and rebuilt a new society. Whereas me, I broke up with Ranny. TO this day, I have no regret. The only regret I have is not have been the best girlfriend when I was with him. Still, like Lulu, it's one of those things that just has to be done. And like Lulu, I have my reasons and the basis/ the foundation of these reasons are all irrational~ lol In the end, it all comes down to 'aishiteru' I did it for the both of us and I will not look back. It's been a week and 2 days since Ranny officially got a new girl. The sorries, the reasons, the explanations has gotten old. What happened between us will not be in vain. Believe me. I still have faith that one day, in the future, we will meet and even fall in love again. Until then, I will march on.

Current Music: somewhere with you - Tyler Ward

Somewhere With You

Artist: Chesney Kenny
Song: Somewhere With You
Album: Hemingway's Whiskey
Kenny Chesney Sheet Music
Kenny Chesney CDs

Download RingtoneSend “Somewhere With You” Ringtone to Cell PhoneDownload Ringtone

If you're going out with someone new
I'm going out with someone too
I won't feel sorry for me, I'm getting drunk
But I'd much rather be somewhere with you

Laughing loud on a carnival ride, yeah
Driving around on a Saturday night
You made fun of me for singing my song
Got a hotel room just to turn you on

You said pick me up at three a.m.
You're fighting with your mom again
And I'd go, I'd go, I'd go somewhere with you

I won't sit outside your house
And wait for the lights to go out
Call up an ex to rescue me, climb in their bed
When I'd much rather sleep somewhere with you

Like we did on the beach last summer
When the rain came down and we took cover
Down in your car, out by the pier
You laid me down, whispered in my ear

I hate my life, hold on to me
Ah, if you ever decide to leave
Then I'll go, I'll go, I'll go

I can go out every night of the week
Can go home with anybody I meet
But it's just a temporary high 'cause when I close my eyes
I'm somewhere with you, somewhere with you

If you see me out on the town
And it looks like I'm burning it down
You won't ask and I won't say
But in my heart I'm always somewhere with you

Laughing loud on a carnival ride, yeah
Driving around on a Saturday night
You made fun of me for singing my song
Got a hotel room just to turn you on

You said pick me up at three a.m.
You're fighting with your mom again
And I'd go, I'd go, I'd go

I can go out every night of the week
Can go home with anybody I meet
But it's just a temporary high 'cause when I close my eyes
I'm somewhere with you, somewhere with you

Somewhere with you
I'm somewhere with you
I'm somewhere with you
Somewhere with you
Somewhere with you

Suddenly

All of a sudden, I'm feeling the blues again. The thought of me not wanting to wait and the possibility of another person coming into my life made me so kinda upset.

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”

Neil Gaiman quotes (English born American Novelist, Journalist, Screenwriter, Children's author and Comics writer of American Gods, amongst many others, b.1960)

Yup, that very much describes the sitution. Except the last line. lol I am feeling a lot better. Everyday I'm getting stronger and stronger. Wiser and wiser. Better and better. I hope Ranny is happy. I wish him the best, literally. I trust that he will make wise decisions. Becuase this is not about me.


Current Music: Loser Like Me - Glee

Commercial Contest

So this is my contest entry. lol Thanks to my brother and my friend, we made the vid. lol There are more clips but I didn't have time to edit and submit before the deadline. So I did what I could in that limited amount of time. Hope you enjoy it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LIQsV2X9ov0

Remember to subscribe. lol

As for today, I find it amusing how the last chapter of my psychology course is all about love, intimacy, attraction, and so on. Especially of what just happened. lol Itsn't that amusing? And I get an exam on it today. The whole day, even now, thoughts of Ranny kept coming to me. And each time it does, I tell myself to fight against any resistance that will keep Ranny from being happy. Honour our agreement. Respect his decisions. I will never stand in his way of happiness. If he finds happiness with that girl, if that girl is able to make him all that, then let it be. I want the best for him. I really do. It's the least I can do.


Current music: lose like me -Glee

Glee~

Did some crazy spending today. Got ear piercings today. Thought it'll hurt, I was hoping the physical pain would distract me. But it only a pinch, lol very tolerable. I cried in public today cuz stupid jojo said something. lol I did some studying for my exam tomorrow, still studying in fact, but I feel a lot better. I think I am finally letting go. He doesn't know me anymore. Although the thought that he's gonna be all protective over her is hurts a bit, but I will respect his choice and who knows more about boundaries than me. lol A friend of my besty is a friend of mine. Im not liking this, but it's not about me. lol I still need some time away from them but I'll be fine. Finally, this song really cheer me up. After listening it for 2 hours, I'm a ok~ lol

Glee – Loser Like Me Lyrics

Send “Loser Like Me” Ringtone to your Cell

(Lea Michele/Rachel)

Yeah, you may think that I’m a zero
But, hey, everyone you wanna be
Probably started off like me
You may say that I’m a freakshow (I don’t care)
But, hey, give me just a little time
I bet you’re gonna change your mind

All of the dirt you’ve been throwin’ my way
It ain’t so hard to take, that’s right
‘Cause I know one day you’ll be screamin’ my name
And I’ll just look away, that’s right

Just go ahead and hate on me and run your mouth
So everyone can hear
Hit me with the words you got and knock me down
Baby, I don’t care
Keep it up, I’m tunin’ up to fade you out
You wanna be
You wanna be
A loser like me
A loser like me

(Cory Monteith/Finn)

Push me up against the locker
And hey, all I do is shake it off
I’ll get you back when I’m your boss
I’m not thinkin’ ’bout you haters
‘Cause hey, I could be a superstar
I’ll see you when you wash my car

http://www.hotnewsonglyrics.com/glee-loser-like-me-lyrics.html

All of the dirt you’ve been throwin’ my way
It ain’t so hard to take, that’s right
‘Cause I know one day you’ll be screamin’ my name
And I’ll just look away, that’s right

Just go ahead and hate on me and run your mouth
So everyone can hear
Hit me with the words you got and knock me down
Baby, I don’t care
Keep it up, I’m tunin’ up to fade you out
You wanna be
You wanna be
A loser like me
A loser like me
A loser like me

Hey, you, over there
Keep the L up-up in the air
Hey, you, over there
Keep the L up, ’cause I don’t care
You can throw your sticks, and you can throw your stones
Like a rocket, just watch me go
Yeah, l-o-s-e-r
I can only be who I are

Just go ahead and hate on me and run your mouth
So everyone can hear
Hit me with the words you got and knock me down
Baby, I don’t care
Keep it up, I’m tunin’ up to fade you out
You wanna be
You wanna be
A loser like me
A loser like me

Just go ahead and hate on me and run your mouth
So everyone can hear
Hit me with the words you got and knock me down
Baby, I don’t care
Keep it up, I’m tunin’ up to fade you out
You wanna be
You wanna be
A loser like me (A loser like me)
A loser like me (A loser like me)
A loser like me

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FQ59jBudWwQ

speechless

My x got a new gf. Somehow, even tho I have no reason to, I feel so sad. SOme say it's jealousy. Other say its cuz I still love him. But it doesn't matter, because no matter what they say, Im still sad. I tried rationalizing, but it only aided a tiny bit. The whole world is celebrating that my x found 'finally' found someone.

Even when I told my siblings, they were all like 'oh good~ u can move on'. And I know I should, but everytime he comes across my mind, somehow it just kinda hurt. I don't know if we can even be friends anymore. All of a sudden, it got so awk. But I don't want to throw out like 8 years of friendship for some girl. Yet at the same time, it's not the same anymore.

What saddens me the most is that he wants me to move on too. Keep telling me to date and give other guys a try. Like yea, no, you can go screw youself.

In a way tho, I am happy that he's getting all these 'new exp'. He's so socialable, happy, friendly~ If we're meant to be, if we were wut he said like 8 years ago lol, we'll be together~ lo I don't know, but at the point in time, knowning that I'm the winner at the end, I'm happy.

He's right. I should do the same and choose from the most qualify canadiate. I want the best for me too. He's gonna have some major comepetition. By that time comes, he better be prepare.lol

God Works Miracle

The deception of OMNI Group still lingers here, in my thoughts. I'm still going to the interview tomorrow, it'll be good for experience, but that excitement died. I'm still trying to recover. Maybe it was something that my boss/friend said that made me dislike this company. I feel tricked. Their job posting was so ambiguous, they posted like nothing as their employer profile, not to mention that they have the same name as 100000000 other companies. I guess in a way, it was my stupidity, mixing the OMNI group with the OMNI group that got me really disappointed in myself. THe OMNI group I was loking at was a really impressive company, but the other OMNI group that I actually applied for was something different. Till now, I have no idea what they are and what they do. And the way they posted was very dishonest.

I feel like crying after that meeting with my boss/friend who tried to figure out what this company is about for me with the limited information we have. I know this is an excuse, but I'm just gonna say it to get it out, and then I can cry and hate myself later.

She gave me some instructions that would have I guess save me today, but I didn't exactly follow her instructions. I was upset with the deception. I felt so silly. So I called up Ranny and I ranted. About 2 hours later when I was like pass 1am, he had to go sleep and me too actually, I have a class 8:30am today. Since it was so late, I didn't do what I was suppose to do, and somehow, I have no regret. I still felt relief that Ive called Ranny. Im still happy to have heard his voice~ somehow, when I talk to him, all the problems in the world just goes away. Ironically, we were talking about the end of the world with all these earthquake, tsunami, war.

I want to thank GOd for giving me such a good friend. I know that somehow, if I put my trust in God, it will all work out well. And just like that, I got another interview on Wed for a HR position part time at this pretty well known financial company. Although I really really mess up the phone interview, taken by surprise while I was with my boss/friend shopping for dress wear for my tomorrow's interview, they still want me to come in for another interview.

God has delivered me again~ working wonders

McQueen's Idea of Canada

Since it bothers me so much, it made it on my blog. Where do I start? First of all, McQueen is just a character in this novel that we had to do in class. Through McQueen, the author attempt to capture realism which, I must say, he did a pretty amazing job, the author brought out consciously what was happening in Canada. So to sum everything that happened in Canada, I'll put it all in one word, and that is NOTHING!! Nothing happened! That's what pissed McQueen I suppose, who was an English businessman from Montreal driving for innovation and progress. Yes it left this beautiful country peaceful, which is the first aim of our constitution, but at the same time, it's dull and boring. Now here comes the interesting part: he claims that Canada unlike the States never initiate anything,never invented anything and never started anything like the depression or the world wars.

The thing is, I rather Canada be dull and boring then start a war or the depression. When I brought this up in class, the prof agreed with me, but she suggested that we would still be following whatever happens. Which, in most part, true. It's too bad that Canada can't think independently, I think it's 'cause we are not completely financially independent like the Jews.

But what strike me the most is that with the HST and the Bill C389, it clearly shows that Canada can in fact be efficient. Although they are all through personal agendas, I rather Canada be politically correct than have STUPID GAY BILLS LIKE HST AND C389!! Especially this new one private 389 bill!!! This basically say that if one claims to be a transsexual than he or she can go to the opposite sex's WASHROOM! This law claims to protect minority which is BULL CRAP!! What can't they use the handicap or have another washroom just for them!? Who is gonna protect the little boys and girls who knew nothing of this? Who is gonna protect women against men who may be mentally and emotionally unstable due to their sexual confusion? Who is going to protect OUR PRIVACY!? I hate it when Canada tries to be a leader in social change! THere are already so many incident where men hides in the washroom and rape their victims, and with this law in place, can those who sign this bill be held accountable for future robbery/ rape/ murder incidents in the washroom? I THINK NOT! So why da hell would you pass some gay law like that?! By the time these things are enforce, it's this generation who's going to be punish for their mistake.

I am starting to hate the liberal more and more.

CUrrent Music: Silly LOve Songs - Glee

so tired

I'm so sleepy but i wanna keep working. I feel so sad nowadays, I think it's the group works. THere are too many of them, and each of these group work have their own issues. Sigh, I just wanna be left alone and work on them independently. Seriously, it'll be more work but it'll save the pointless meeting time. THere's an 8am meeting tomorrow on skype via google doc. Thank God for technology. Still, I don't know how well this is gonna go. I'm so sleepy n listening to sad music. So confuse with my rela with Ranny lol I don't know what we are and it shouldn't matter, not at this point. We're friends, no more, no less. That's that.

Somtimes...

Sometimes I feel like those rich kids, who's parents just gives them a load of cash to make up for the neglect and the lack of care. Except for the fact that we;re not rich and they never gave me a load of cash. But sometimes, they do buy me presents to make up I guess. Other times, they'll stood us out on a dinner while they're busy shopping, but told us to order anyways at some fancy restaurant and paid their with visa. I know they love us in their own way, whatever that means, but I don't know. I'm sure they have lots of things to say about me, like just yesterday, lol my father called me a disappointment. It didn't hurt, not one bit, it was a way to express his feelings at that time and I can understand where he's coming from. But then again, I can say the same for them. I don't know why, but the situation seem so sad.

You know, my lil bro, he's in Gr.4 I think? There was this parent teacher interview recently and his teacher complained that he is always tired and he's always hungry. Can you people like pack snacks for him? And of course, my mother was upset when she heard this, like "omg~ I didn't neglect my child, I'm a good parent really I am! I let him do whatever he wants as long as it doesn't bother me, I'm good" Now of course she didn't say this to the teacher's face. When my sister heard it, she got angry with my lil bro, because he should know and learn how to look after himself like how we all did. Pack his own lunch and find snacks and eat his snacks. And finally, I got angry at him because you don't tell your teacher that our parents don't feed you! You post it like a blog like what I'm doing right now (jking), but have you no dignity? You'll think the teacher will start bringing food for you if you tell them that? NO SILLY! They'll just think you have bad upbringings, then label you and tell the other teachers about it. All in all, it'll ruin your name in that school, elementary teachers are really bias.

I think the reason why I am so upset is because they don't seems to care about competition that I am currently in. I don't think they're really interested about it. Im going to NATIONAL in Montreal!! Doesn't that mean anything to you? Do you know how big a deal it is for me? They don't want to know what I'm learning and don't want us to interfere with their work. So don't BS you want to know about me!

There's a very wise saying from Jim Rohn. He said (not in exact words) you can tell your child that 'John! You've mess up!' But DON'T LEAVE THEM MESS UP!

Starving

I wonder if it ever occur to my parents that there's no food in the house. But we'll just go out and eat~ Not a problem~ It's just that I wish we have food in the house. I don't mind spending my OSAP money on breakfast and lunch outside, but it would save me a lot of money if there's food at home. It's not like I'm eating with my friends, I'm usually just dinning out alone.

So I had my exam from 2-4pm today. I got up at 9am and ate chocolate and yogart for breakfast. But those things don't last very long, so I went to timmies on my way to school for breakfast. After I finished my exam, I bus and so on and so fort, I was just starving. My bus stopped by the Loblaws and I thought I needed to buy bread and soup and so on for myself, not just for now but for the week. So I went to Loblaws, only to discover that the dollar sale was over, and things have gotten so much more expensive. I debated and decided not to buy because, silly me, would think my parents would go shopping to day (it's Sunday) and load the house with food. I also thought they might order take out for me cuz I had exams while they were all eating out for lunch (n breakfast too), but apparently, it was all wishful thinking. I came home and my parents were out still doing some church stuff Im guessing (but not shopping for sure). I asked my sister if they saved any food for me and she like laughed and said "no! Why would we do such a thing?" Like I don't know? Maybe the house got no food!? n Rebekah got exams and she had nothing to eat for the entire day??"

I have to say, I was pretty upset and somewhat angry when she said no. I should have knew it was wishful thinking and I regret not buying food on my way home. But see, I got another exam 8:30am tomorrow and instead of waiting in line, I really needs to study. Funny thing is, I'm so hungry and upset, I don't feel like studying. But after I ate more New Year chocolate I feel better. Although I was warn to not eat chocolate anymore (cuz I nearly singlehandedly lol, finish the whole box, but hey! do u honestly think I'm happy to have chocolate every single day for breakfast and lunch?), I still had a few more.

u_u I even debated if I should walk all the way back out in the cold just to get some food. What would they care?

I'm still really hungry >_> I think we're going out for dinner, but not anytime soon. >_> THese people really don't care about my exams or my education.... I would know... Whatever, it's just another one of these MANY incidents. I should have gotten use to it by now. Anyways, really needs to study.


Current Music: Need you now - Glee

GAME ON!!

So the meeting times are set. My team is coming back alive. The other cocach finally responded, this is what she said "I'll come at 8am but only because I have extremely high hopes on you guys." Now we are back on track and we are out to get them!!! FINALLY! I'll pray that we'll give it everything we got and that all our hard work will be paid off when we win first place at National. Let the intensity of the training and pressure come before me. Concordia, McMaster, Lauier and any other universities across the nation will step aside, we'll show them the meaning of superstars1

So no more bejewel~ :P If I ever feel like playing it again, I will go increase my vocab. I will also begin conditioning myself with morning excerise and also read the news everyday single day. Analysis and storytell it to my siblings~

VICTORY IS OURS!!!

Gu Zheng

I've been writing/ translating a lot of scores lately~ from Betrayal by Gary Gao or Paparazzi by Lady Gaga~ :P When I perfect them, I think I might make a videdo and post it on youtube~ it prolly won't be uploaded till summer tho. Till then, I better start better managaing my time.

*sigh* Just thinking about work is depressing.

Bored

So I was on the phone with Ranny today and I don't know... *sigh* I think there's always gonna be a part of me that will hold on to him. lol But it's ok, eventually, we'll all move on. I saw that split of path coming. u_u I wish you well. I really do.

Current Music: Dear Mr. President - Pink

So Sing With ME~~ How Great is Our God~~

After some prayers, something happened. So I came home at like 10pm, talked to my bro and decided to show him my marks. That's when I found out that one of my C+ became a B+!!! So Sing With ME~~ How Great is Our God~~ I don't know how it happened, but I'm definitely sure that I had a C+ for TD. So Sing With ME~~ How Great is Our God~~

God is amazing!

Back to School

So this is the second week already. I still haven't gotten all my books yet >_> I think I'll get the online version cuz its half price and I dun have to be in line.

So the marks are out and I got really depressed. Like really? I went into the finals with all 80s!! except (except for HUMA)... And my finals were kinda shocking. I know I didn't as well but the drop was brutal. Some of the final exams I thought were soooooo unfair!! Stupid TD! THat exam was soo freakin unfair! If the results were belled, that just made the situation a lot sadder. *sigh*

Anyways, I better prepare for my compeition this Friday now!! Must WIN!! My boss is going to be there x_x And the pressure is on man~ Did I mention that this school keyboad really suck? Its so hard to type. >_>

I dunno what's gonna happen at the competition. Just do my best, give it everything I got and stay focus.