Being Critical - The Knife that Stabs

Haven't blogged forever. I'm really tired, I have work tomorrow but I really need to let this out. This anger that's been suppressed inside of me need to get out.

For the longest time, I had been in a love hate relationship with a good friend of mine. As tough as she was to me and as cruel her choice of words are, she turn my head to a new path. She teared me apart and helped restored a new me. A stronger and slightly more smarter and hardworking me.

Still, she seems to have a problem with unperfect things. And me, being far from perfect, always fell to her judgement and criticism. I do believe that friends helps each other gets better by helping each other to realize the mistake you make but is it necessary to be critical in everything?

She probably disapprove of my badminton friends.Well.. I know she dislike my family. I know she hated my ex. I don't even know why we are still friends. She disapprove everything around me and hates the way I treat her. I am just so confuse... Why is she still holding onto me?

All in all, I already had a not so great day at work and I just don't want additional unnecessary negativity. I know what I'm doing. Anyway, I'm too tired. Sleep time.

Tired Eyes and Cold Feet

In life, we are dealt with certain cards - some good, some not so good. There are definitely some really cool cards in my hand but there are also some really bad cards in my hand. For example, my naturally dried eyes. It poses a problem when I got lots to do but my eyes are just really tired. It happens quite often. Perhaps the light is too dim or I have been looking at the screen for too long, but the work still needs to get done. I also have cold feet. Even now, my cold feed makes me not want to because I can feel them going numb.

The doctor say that yes - I do have vision issues where my eyes is lacking oxygen and hormones problems that causes my feet to be really cold. Both of these conditions are like a disability that hidden me from doing what I want to be doing. For example, I can only read for a certain period of time in my room before my vision start blurring in and out. But today at Toastmaster, our newest member did his first speech today and he said something very inspiring. (Well... Actually his entire speech was very inspiring). He said that this world is merciless. Tears would not help you. You gotta be strong. I think this is very true. Even though I have these conditions, the world only looks at your results, regardless how sad your story seems. I find him a very admirable guy - doesn't look too bright, speaks somewhat slow, but is actually very intelligent. His attitude, work ethics and thinking is what I can really learn from - I don't need Elle too tell me to know. 

Even though I'm unemployed, I seems to have a lot on my plate. People don't seems to realize but I actually got a lot to do. I should really be grateful about it too, shouldn't I?

Anyway I wants to start blogging more. Jim Rohn thinks its good English practice and helps reflection. He also said a lot of things but it's what I can remember right now. X_X

Its Alright, Its Ok

lol This song.... reminds me of Target.

"It's Alright, It's Ok"

You told me
there's no need
To talk it out
Cause its too late
To proceed
And slowly
I took your words
And walked away

No looking back
I wont regret, no
I will find my way
I'm broken
But still I have to say

It's Alright, OK
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry
Alright, OK
So don't you bother what I do
No matter what you say
I wont return
Our bridge has burned down
I'm stronger now
Alright, OK
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry

You played me
Betrayed me
Your love was nothing but a game
Portrait a role
You took control, I
I couldn't help but fall
So deep
But now I see things clear

It's Alright, OK
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry
Alright, OK
So don't you bother what I do
No matter what you say
I wont return
Our bridge has burned down
I'm stronger now
Alright, OK
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry

Don't waist you fiction tears on me
Just save them for someone in need
It's Way to late
I'm closing the door

It's Alright, OK
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry
Alright, OK
So don't you bother what I do
No matter what you say
I wont return
Our bridge has burned down
I'm stronger now
Alright, OK
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry

It's Alright, OK
Alright, OK
Without you
No matter what you say
It's Alright, OK
Alright, OK
Without you
I won't be sorry 

 

-Ashley Tisdale

Crying Again

I think aside from my bf, there isn't anyone in the world who can hurt me like my father. When my mom say hurtful stuff, I just brush it off my shoulder, roll my eyes and wonder when is she going to stop talking. When my dad say hurtful stuff, he strips away my dignity and pride.

What happened was during the sharing time of bible study, my father asked if I need the car tomorrow to go to school and I was like "no, the bf is picking me up." I also made a little joke "Im giving him more chances to drive me around." Mom and Esy cheered, and dad nodded, agreeing to what I said but raised his voice in all seriousness and said this "YOU KNOW, IT FEELS AS THOUGH YOU'RE REALLY CHEAP."

---

How can you say that? Do you really feel that way about me? Cheap? Not worthy? Because I'm a girl and I go out? I drive? I pick up my bf if I see the need to?  Somehow, his words really hurt me. I can't stop crying.

I just think that he doesn't have to drive me at all to places? My mind is filled with nothing but counter hurtful insults. I think they just want me to go and stop living off them. I don't know what I'm going to do. Right now, I can say I can I really dislike them. 

Slow to anger, quick to listen and slow to speak.