Haven't blogged forever. I'm really tired, I have work tomorrow but I really need to let this out. This anger that's been suppressed inside of me need to get out.
For the longest time, I had been in a love hate relationship with a good friend of mine. As tough as she was to me and as cruel her choice of words are, she turn my head to a new path. She teared me apart and helped restored a new me. A stronger and slightly more smarter and hardworking me.
Still, she seems to have a problem with unperfect things. And me, being far from perfect, always fell to her judgement and criticism. I do believe that friends helps each other gets better by helping each other to realize the mistake you make but is it necessary to be critical in everything?
She probably disapprove of my badminton friends.Well.. I know she dislike my family. I know she hated my ex. I don't even know why we are still friends. She disapprove everything around me and hates the way I treat her. I am just so confuse... Why is she still holding onto me?
All in all, I already had a not so great day at work and I just don't want additional unnecessary negativity. I know what I'm doing. Anyway, I'm too tired. Sleep time.
Monday, November 25, 2013
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Tired Eyes and Cold Feet
In life, we are dealt with certain cards - some good, some not so good. There are definitely some really cool cards in my hand but there are also some really bad cards in my hand. For example, my naturally dried eyes. It poses a problem when I got lots to do but my eyes are just really tired. It happens quite often. Perhaps the light is too dim or I have been looking at the screen for too long, but the work still needs to get done. I also have cold feet. Even now, my cold feed makes me not want to because I can feel them going numb.
The doctor say that yes - I do have vision issues where my eyes is lacking oxygen and hormones problems that causes my feet to be really cold. Both of these conditions are like a disability that hidden me from doing what I want to be doing. For example, I can only read for a certain period of time in my room before my vision start blurring in and out. But today at Toastmaster, our newest member did his first speech today and he said something very inspiring. (Well... Actually his entire speech was very inspiring). He said that this world is merciless. Tears would not help you. You gotta be strong. I think this is very true. Even though I have these conditions, the world only looks at your results, regardless how sad your story seems. I find him a very admirable guy - doesn't look too bright, speaks somewhat slow, but is actually very intelligent. His attitude, work ethics and thinking is what I can really learn from - I don't need Elle too tell me to know.
Even though I'm unemployed, I seems to have a lot on my plate. People don't seems to realize but I actually got a lot to do. I should really be grateful about it too, shouldn't I?
Anyway I wants to start blogging more. Jim Rohn thinks its good English practice and helps reflection. He also said a lot of things but it's what I can remember right now. X_X
The doctor say that yes - I do have vision issues where my eyes is lacking oxygen and hormones problems that causes my feet to be really cold. Both of these conditions are like a disability that hidden me from doing what I want to be doing. For example, I can only read for a certain period of time in my room before my vision start blurring in and out. But today at Toastmaster, our newest member did his first speech today and he said something very inspiring. (Well... Actually his entire speech was very inspiring). He said that this world is merciless. Tears would not help you. You gotta be strong. I think this is very true. Even though I have these conditions, the world only looks at your results, regardless how sad your story seems. I find him a very admirable guy - doesn't look too bright, speaks somewhat slow, but is actually very intelligent. His attitude, work ethics and thinking is what I can really learn from - I don't need Elle too tell me to know.
Even though I'm unemployed, I seems to have a lot on my plate. People don't seems to realize but I actually got a lot to do. I should really be grateful about it too, shouldn't I?
Anyway I wants to start blogging more. Jim Rohn thinks its good English practice and helps reflection. He also said a lot of things but it's what I can remember right now. X_X
Monday, February 25, 2013
Its Alright, Its Ok
lol This song.... reminds me of Target.
"It's Alright, It's Ok"
"It's Alright, It's Ok"
You told me
there's no need
To talk it out
Cause its too late
To proceed
And slowly
I took your words
And walked away
No looking back
I wont regret, no
I will find my way
I'm broken
But still I have to say
It's Alright, OK
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry
Alright, OK
So don't you bother what I do
No matter what you say
I wont return
Our bridge has burned down
I'm stronger now
Alright, OK
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry
You played me
Betrayed me
Your love was nothing but a game
Portrait a role
You took control, I
I couldn't help but fall
So deep
But now I see things clear
It's Alright, OK
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry
Alright, OK
So don't you bother what I do
No matter what you say
I wont return
Our bridge has burned down
I'm stronger now
Alright, OK
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry
Don't waist you fiction tears on me
Just save them for someone in need
It's Way to late
I'm closing the door
It's Alright, OK
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry
Alright, OK
So don't you bother what I do
No matter what you say
I wont return
Our bridge has burned down
I'm stronger now
Alright, OK
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry
It's Alright, OK
Alright, OK
Without you
No matter what you say
It's Alright, OK
Alright, OK
Without you
I won't be sorry
there's no need
To talk it out
Cause its too late
To proceed
And slowly
I took your words
And walked away
No looking back
I wont regret, no
I will find my way
I'm broken
But still I have to say
It's Alright, OK
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry
Alright, OK
So don't you bother what I do
No matter what you say
I wont return
Our bridge has burned down
I'm stronger now
Alright, OK
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry
You played me
Betrayed me
Your love was nothing but a game
Portrait a role
You took control, I
I couldn't help but fall
So deep
But now I see things clear
It's Alright, OK
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry
Alright, OK
So don't you bother what I do
No matter what you say
I wont return
Our bridge has burned down
I'm stronger now
Alright, OK
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry
Don't waist you fiction tears on me
Just save them for someone in need
It's Way to late
I'm closing the door
It's Alright, OK
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry
Alright, OK
So don't you bother what I do
No matter what you say
I wont return
Our bridge has burned down
I'm stronger now
Alright, OK
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry
It's Alright, OK
Alright, OK
Without you
No matter what you say
It's Alright, OK
Alright, OK
Without you
I won't be sorry
-Ashley Tisdale
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Crying Again
I think aside from my bf, there isn't anyone in the world who can hurt me like my father. When my mom say hurtful stuff, I just brush it off my shoulder, roll my eyes and wonder when is she going to stop talking. When my dad say hurtful stuff, he strips away my dignity and pride.
What happened was during the sharing time of bible study, my father asked if I need the car tomorrow to go to school and I was like "no, the bf is picking me up." I also made a little joke "Im giving him more chances to drive me around." Mom and Esy cheered, and dad nodded, agreeing to what I said but raised his voice in all seriousness and said this "YOU KNOW, IT FEELS AS THOUGH YOU'RE REALLY CHEAP."
---
How can you say that? Do you really feel that way about me? Cheap? Not worthy? Because I'm a girl and I go out? I drive? I pick up my bf if I see the need to? Somehow, his words really hurt me. I can't stop crying.
I just think that he doesn't have to drive me at all to places? My mind is filled with nothing but counter hurtful insults. I think they just want me to go and stop living off them. I don't know what I'm going to do. Right now, I can say I can I really dislike them.
Slow to anger, quick to listen and slow to speak.
What happened was during the sharing time of bible study, my father asked if I need the car tomorrow to go to school and I was like "no, the bf is picking me up." I also made a little joke "Im giving him more chances to drive me around." Mom and Esy cheered, and dad nodded, agreeing to what I said but raised his voice in all seriousness and said this "YOU KNOW, IT FEELS AS THOUGH YOU'RE REALLY CHEAP."
---
How can you say that? Do you really feel that way about me? Cheap? Not worthy? Because I'm a girl and I go out? I drive? I pick up my bf if I see the need to? Somehow, his words really hurt me. I can't stop crying.
I just think that he doesn't have to drive me at all to places? My mind is filled with nothing but counter hurtful insults. I think they just want me to go and stop living off them. I don't know what I'm going to do. Right now, I can say I can I really dislike them.
Slow to anger, quick to listen and slow to speak.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Sigh... Even though I'm in soo much s**t, I feel so light and happy. It's like nothing can bring me down. Not even failing a G test// no thanks to this b***h car on my left hand side that want to do a right turn (INFRONT OF ME!!) No signal, no checking, just high speed and lots of luck! Cuz I came so close to hitting it.
I'm a lil mad, but I think I miss my bf the most. I know it's random, but what can I say. I feel so lucky and I just want to do better. <3 p="p">
I really don't know how I did on my last 2 exams but I got 2 more to do~ So that's it for today!!
I'm a lil mad, but I think I miss my bf the most. I know it's random, but what can I say. I feel so lucky and I just want to do better. <3 p="p">
I really don't know how I did on my last 2 exams but I got 2 more to do~ So that's it for today!!
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Christmas List
Omg I think Im going broke, but here's what I got for Christmas lool~
Stuff I got for myself (I got stuff for others too! )
1. The Little Black Dress @ H&M
2. Nail package stuff @ Secret
3. hair mask @ body shop
4. Hair detangle spray? @ body shop
5. Skin booster? @ body shop
6. clutch/small bag @ Zara <3<3<3
7. 2 pairs of jeans @ F21
8. 2 belts
9. 5 Playless necklace
Stuff that I got so far from other ppls that I know of lol:
- 2 DNKY shirts from Esther, small necklace and yummy chocolate candy
- warm slipper from Britt
- 16GB USB from the boyfriend <3 loool wut am I gonna do with all those Gs lool
- portable desk with desk lamp from Mom
- a cool vest, a dress, a tunic, and a chineseish-style shirt? from mom's friend
._. I don't have many friends and most of them r too poor n Im poor too~ X_X Praise the Lord though somehow I am able to afford these stuff, it's really amazing~
Stuff I got for myself (I got stuff for others too! )
1. The Little Black Dress @ H&M
2. Nail package stuff @ Secret
3. hair mask @ body shop
4. Hair detangle spray? @ body shop
5. Skin booster? @ body shop
6. clutch/small bag @ Zara <3<3<3
7. 2 pairs of jeans @ F21
8. 2 belts
9. 5 Playless necklace
Stuff that I got so far from other ppls that I know of lol:
- 2 DNKY shirts from Esther, small necklace and yummy chocolate candy
- warm slipper from Britt
- 16GB USB from the boyfriend <3 loool wut am I gonna do with all those Gs lool
- portable desk with desk lamp from Mom
- a cool vest, a dress, a tunic, and a chineseish-style shirt? from mom's friend
._. I don't have many friends and most of them r too poor n Im poor too~ X_X Praise the Lord though somehow I am able to afford these stuff, it's really amazing~
Bittersweet
wo~ havent blog for some time~ lool Just finished finals~ one more semester till I graduate (if all goes well) u_u *sigh* school can get so stressful if you know what I mean. lo *sigh* so it's like 5:52 am right now lol I got up at 4:50am this morning, cuz I just can't sleep.
I don't know how many times Im gonna tell but lol ranny's new gf don't want us to see each other ever again. It's reasonable and even if she wasnt being reasonable, it's Ranny's choice to get with her lol n I'll just leave him to it. lool. I can't help but be a little sad though, I mean he has been my closest fried (n still is) for half a almost a decade~ He's a really cool guy, I treasure him as my friend but lool she don't want us to be friends.
When Ranny told me a few weeks ago that we can only see each other at school from now on, I already knew what was up. He finally confirm it yesterday that his gf just dun want us to see each other ever again(not even in big group) so I was like, maybe invite her the next time~ It'll be fun! I have a bf too so I dun know what crack she's on~ jkin~ didn't say that but Idunno~ I feel kinda superior in a way cuz she seems to be inferior to me. lol I kinda like it too, it's like she's insecure and totally scare~ lol
we're still meeting up today though, lol I have to give him his Christmas present and his tunner (which he left in my gu zheng for like half a year) back. I don't mind keeping it for another half a a year or lool forevermore~ but I just thought he might want it back. He acts all so strange sometimes, giving me all these mix signals lool :P The price of keeping his gf :P That's how I know certain she's here to stay and not just a fling~ I wish him the best though <3 His gf/ relationship issues is not my problem lo~ cuz I'm not involve.
Anyway, I think I'm moving forward and already over it. I still love Ranny though (as a friend lo) I think there will always be a place for him, he made an impact in my life, shape it and I can't deny that. *sigh* lool Hence, I'm still blogging about him.
It's just bittersweet when I think about it. Every time I feel sad about it Kelly's Clarkson's new song just kick in!! :d Here's one of my fav! It's on repeat~
"The War Is Over"
I don't know how many times Im gonna tell but lol ranny's new gf don't want us to see each other ever again. It's reasonable and even if she wasnt being reasonable, it's Ranny's choice to get with her lol n I'll just leave him to it. lool. I can't help but be a little sad though, I mean he has been my closest fried (n still is) for half a almost a decade~ He's a really cool guy, I treasure him as my friend but lool she don't want us to be friends.
When Ranny told me a few weeks ago that we can only see each other at school from now on, I already knew what was up. He finally confirm it yesterday that his gf just dun want us to see each other ever again(not even in big group) so I was like, maybe invite her the next time~ It'll be fun! I have a bf too so I dun know what crack she's on~ jkin~ didn't say that but Idunno~ I feel kinda superior in a way cuz she seems to be inferior to me. lol I kinda like it too, it's like she's insecure and totally scare~ lol
we're still meeting up today though, lol I have to give him his Christmas present and his tunner (which he left in my gu zheng for like half a year) back. I don't mind keeping it for another half a a year or lool forevermore~ but I just thought he might want it back. He acts all so strange sometimes, giving me all these mix signals lool :P The price of keeping his gf :P That's how I know certain she's here to stay and not just a fling~ I wish him the best though <3 His gf/ relationship issues is not my problem lo~ cuz I'm not involve.
Anyway, I think I'm moving forward and already over it. I still love Ranny though (as a friend lo) I think there will always be a place for him, he made an impact in my life, shape it and I can't deny that. *sigh* lool Hence, I'm still blogging about him.
It's just bittersweet when I think about it. Every time I feel sad about it Kelly's Clarkson's new song just kick in!! :d Here's one of my fav! It's on repeat~
"The War Is Over"
I watch the days rush by me like a river
I shouldn't wait, but I'm scared to touch the water
I let the phone ring, why won't you believe me
I wait for silence, takes a lot not to answer
All I have to say is
You don't deserve me, you don't deserve me
I'm finally walking away
Cause you don't deserve me, and you're not worthy
And I won't let you pull me in
Because I know you're gonna win
(The war is over) but the war is over (The war is over)
And I won't fight you anymore
I never been so sure
(The war is over) cause the war is over
I used to let you paint 'em pretty pictures
You got me caught up with your "you're my girl forever"
So I forgive you, it felt good when you hold me
Yeah you owned me
Now you wish you had really known me
All I have to say is you don't deserve me, you don't deserve me
I'm finally walking away, cause you only hurt me
And you're not worthy
And I won't let you pull me in
Because I know you're gonna win
(The war is over) but the war is over (The war is over)
And I won't fight you anymore
I've never been so sure
(The war is over)
This is not my surrender
I'm not running for cover
I'm right here, I know you see me
But your words no longer defeat me
In the night when you're lonely
You remember how much you miss me
So you call, but I swear
You can try a million times, you'll get the same answer
All I have to say is you don't deserve me, you don't deserve me
I'm finally walking away, cause you only hurt me
And you're not worthy
And I won't let you pull me in
Because I know you're gonna win
(The war is over) but the war is over (The war is over)
The war is over
The war is over
The war is over
The war is over
The war is over
The war is over
The war is over
I shouldn't wait, but I'm scared to touch the water
I let the phone ring, why won't you believe me
I wait for silence, takes a lot not to answer
All I have to say is
You don't deserve me, you don't deserve me
I'm finally walking away
Cause you don't deserve me, and you're not worthy
And I won't let you pull me in
Because I know you're gonna win
(The war is over) but the war is over (The war is over)
And I won't fight you anymore
I never been so sure
(The war is over) cause the war is over
I used to let you paint 'em pretty pictures
You got me caught up with your "you're my girl forever"
So I forgive you, it felt good when you hold me
Yeah you owned me
Now you wish you had really known me
All I have to say is you don't deserve me, you don't deserve me
I'm finally walking away, cause you only hurt me
And you're not worthy
And I won't let you pull me in
Because I know you're gonna win
(The war is over) but the war is over (The war is over)
And I won't fight you anymore
I've never been so sure
(The war is over)
This is not my surrender
I'm not running for cover
I'm right here, I know you see me
But your words no longer defeat me
In the night when you're lonely
You remember how much you miss me
So you call, but I swear
You can try a million times, you'll get the same answer
All I have to say is you don't deserve me, you don't deserve me
I'm finally walking away, cause you only hurt me
And you're not worthy
And I won't let you pull me in
Because I know you're gonna win
(The war is over) but the war is over (The war is over)
The war is over
The war is over
The war is over
The war is over
The war is over
The war is over
The war is over
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