another one....

I've been listening to a lot of songs lately and suddenly, the thought of Ranny and his new girl came up in my mind again. So I told myself, I don't want you back! I don't want you back! I don't want you back! I don't know if I'm pretending or what not, but I just want to have a peace of mind. Every time he comes up in my mind, he triggers this whole mixture of emotion and attitude - hurt, happiness, anger, thankfulness, jealousy (gasp), patheticalism (lol no such world but o well), love, hate, annoyance, I can go on and on. Point is, I don't want you back. Just leave already. You have no place here. I don't need you anymore. I can make my own decision. I don't need your advice. I don't need or want your entertainment. You're free to go! Dismissed!

I saw strangers again by wongfu production, and it was difficult to watch. For them, it was a year and a half. For me and Ranny, it was over 4 years (not including the meeting and chase stage lol) I really hate these stages they say, maybe it's cuz they're so real, I really hate it. So so much. I would never ever want a relationship like that. It's too late for me and Ranny tho, we're strangers now. He got a new girl. I really don't know what to say... I don't know what to think. I really don't know how to deal with this.

You know how you would wish to live at this moment forever. Especially for youth,we wish that these years will go on n on ~ Well, I wish the opposite, I wish time will pass even faster. I wish time will really take flight~ I wish in a blink of an eye we'll all be old~ I think I wanna return to my heavenly father.

I'm not afraid of getting hurt, but this pain is just eating me. It leaves me so confuse. *sigh* but the break up is done. The storm has passed. It could only get better.

happy easter weekend everyone

dunno y~ but I feel like crying...

Dear Blogspot

Thanks to my good friend Micah, I came to the realization of the consequences. As a result, I have decided to accept it. I can no longer deny or fool myself, I will now live with the consequences and bare with the hardship that it might bring.


On a more positive note, Justin Beiber's Baby~ is completed~ However, I have no vid camera~ lool But Micah is coming over next week to play some music, so I'll ask him to bring his and we'll record something. Hm~ He plays erhu tho so I wonder how that's gonna turn out lol

Done and Done

SO I finished all my finals today. It was so cruel. How they had 2 exams on a Sunday morning 10am and another one at 7pm -10pm. I drove to school today and I drove my friend home too, since buses only comes like once every hour at time or not even. Turns out he didn't know where he live, which I still find it amusing. SO I spend like an hour trying him around and finally got it. Then when I was coming home, I took a wrong turn and I had to drive round and round again. That and also some dangerous situation where this car was going to turn left, but wasn't. Its head was just sitting on my lane and I was coming down my lane at 70. It was actually really scary. I didn't have time to think, I just cut onto the other side, THANK GOD there were no cars there or else I would have hit someone. I should have like beeped the car. >_>

Anyway the exams. Oh my! Both exams were just cruel. I have no idea how I did T_T Somehow I'm not as depressed though. I think I'm bogged down bout Ranny lol Hopefully it's the last of him on Raining Jewels. *Sigh* Its funny how one text, one phone call can get me so happy. It's like I'm on drug or something. Another txt (just completely random like "cool~ nice") can completely loses that happy, excited, smiley effect. The mood swing is getting annoying. Even if I say I don't want to think about it anymore, 1 month down the row will be the same. I really want to forget about him. Him and what's her face. u_u sigh~

lol econd study: tax

lol So I was just studying my econ exam and it was on tax payroll. Who (employer or employee) gets more and so on~ and I was just thinking to myself, 'I dun want to pay tax. lool If I make more I'll have to pay a craze amount of tax (especially in CND. So then I went to do bible study and guess what it was on?

“This is also why you pay taxes, for the authorities are God’s servants, who give their full time to governing. Give to everyone what you owe them: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor.” - Romans 13:6-7

o_o I think God is speaking to me~ lool :P

SUMMER PLAN 2011

List of things to do in the summer 2011!

-Go to the beach
-Go to the HUMA field trip!
-Completion of summer gu zheng project
-Completion of Stats 2
-Completion of prep gu zheng examination in Oct
-Completion of summer HR work term
-Getting a new look
-Plan and prep for graduation in 2012
-study plan + course selection
-find HR employment
-academic appointment to ensure 2012 grad
-save up enough money to repay OSAP

can't help procrastinating

so instead of studying for econ and huma I ended up developing songs on gu zheng. Katy Perry's Teenage Dream and one of Joey Yung's song. N I'm thinking of doing Journey's Faithfully too~ Currently my entire head is just trying to transcribe notes to gu zheng *sigh* u_u wut am I gonna do? The exam is on this coming SUnday. I kept thinking that I still have time but I dont think so. Everyone is studying so hard. The econ exam is on chap 6,7,8,9,10,11 X_X that's 6 chapters and for HUMA I have over like 100 pages of reading to do (single space)

oo~ someone save me~

n omg I got my psy finals back. Almost fail it. >_> And I can't believe I am .8% away from getting a B... .8%!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE JUST GIVE IT .8% ME I NEED IT T_T *sigh* lol I feel like blaming this on Ranny. If only he and his girl gotten together maybe a day later I would have done better on my psy exam, cuz I would have actually read the chapter on the psychology of Love, Passion, and Sexual Attraction >__> *sigh* That is why I need to study for econ and huma!!! to Bring my gpa back up!!! go go go!!!

美丽的神话

Funny~ Its been awhile lol and I still find myself thinking bout him from time to time~ lol *sigh* I never fails to amuse myself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h35Eo9TWV2M

o~ wut beautiful music~ the erhu sound as if it's crying and just screaming in agony. lol I'm trying to get my friend to play this with me ~ but neither of us can actually play it~ lol I lack the skills n he lacks the er hu scores >_< still trying to find it.

So 3 exams are down and 2 mores to go. THere's sooo much to study from Econ >_< and HUMA too~ but HUMA should be easy I suppose. It's mostly review but econ it's >___< help me!!

gu zheng music upload on the way

so I found this gold mine site!~! It got all these gu zheng morden music scores!!! Like Eason Chen, Jacky Chen, Korean OSTs and so on~ I tried some and I definitely needs some time. lol I want to start a summer project and upload these video (when I perfect them) on youtube~ Maybe one new song a week~ :P loll

Current music: Tunes of Rainbow Cloud <3 (my all time fav gu zheng song) - Yuen Sha

Family Bible Study

A tree grows all it can be. A person too should choose to be a tree and grow as big and as strong it can be. The bible says that a good tree bears good fruit, and a good person will have good results. To have good results you must be good and to do that, like a tree, you must develop. The heart must be nurtured (shoring/ stocking) and so it’s important to withstand the weather, the seasons, and fight the evil in the heart, because the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.

In communication: have something good to say. That comes from the goodies that you stored up.

______________________________________

I called a friend of mine today, just need to rant about the Ranny incident. Even though I am over it, I still can't stop thinking and dreaming about it. My friend response that it's cuz I'm not over it and that I am delusional. I find it interesting, because I don't feel depressed / sadden (maybe just a little bit lol) about it anymore. Still, today, I find myself talking about Ranny to my sister while shopping the whole time.

I think this effect is affecting my daily life. Interrupting with productivity and my decision making process. I want to get rid this constant Ranny thinking lol. My friend say it just takes time, but its been like what some time now and still, it persist and I think it's getting worse. Time is not healing and I need to move on. He cannot stall me any longer. This time is about me Ranny. Leave me. >_<

Lady Gaga - No Way

I saw a shadow,
And I knew that it wasn't mine

You and her, I know that you were intertwined
Even though her clothes were on and everything
Your eyes were somewhere else and you were both
To blame

Don't say a word, I'm sure that it won't
Be enough
To erase what I know
Just happens now what dreams are made of

This is my house and I won't allow the disrespect
Baby don't look at me like that, I don't belong to you

Cause baby now that your caught what am I supposed to say?
When you're so wrong in what you did
But I still feel this way
I can't believe it or forget it, what I saw that day
And if you're wonderin' if I'm staying

The answer is no way
No way ay-ay-ay
No way ay-ay-ay
No way ay-ay-ay-ee-ay-ee-ay-ee-ay

And then I saw something I know did not belong to me
But then I thought there was no way you would do that to me
And then last week when you went outside to use your phone
I felt a chill but told myself that it was from the cold

And I just woke up but I wish that it was a nightmare
'Cause when I have those it isn't real like this one is
This is my heart and I won't allow the disrespect
Baby don't look at me like that, I don't belong to you

'Cause baby now that you're caught what am I supposed to say
When you're so wrong in what you did
But I still feel this way
I can't believe it or forget it, what I saw today
And if you're wonderin' if I'm staying

The answer is no way
No way-ay-ay-ay
No way-ay-ay-ay
No way-ay-ay-ay-ee-ay-ee-ay-ee-ay

Get your things and go
You can take the dinner leftover from last night
I made you your favorite goodbye

'Cause baby now that you're caught what am I supposed to say
When you're so wrong in what you did
But I still feel this way
I can't believe it or forget it, what I saw today
And if you're wonderin' if I'm staying

The answer is no way
No way-ay-ay-ay
No way-ay-ay-ay
No way-ay-ay-ay-ee-ay-ee-ay-ee-ay

Ehh-heeeeeeyyyyyy-ohhhhhhhh-noo way
No way

Hail!

Somehow I started rewatching Code Gegass lol~ At such a busy time of exam, I'm rewatching anime. Although it's one of Ranny's fav. anime and yes~ I have lots of those memories of watching this anime with him, I didn't rewatch it relive those memories. It somehow just came up on youtube, so I started watching and something insightful came to my mind.

All that the main character Lulu (short.)wanted is to built a happy peaceful world where his little sister Nunnerly can live and be happy. Who knew it would become such a mess? In the process of creating this world that his little sister didn't even ask for, he lost his first love and childhood friend Euphinee (or however you spell her name), his good friend Shirley, his half brother Cloves (tho. he didn't like him much anyway), his pretended brother Rolo, his father and even his beloved mother, fought against his once most loyal bodyguard, his sister too (tho she came back later on fighting on the other side), and he pretty much became isolated from everyone. In the end, he died as well.

Still, no matter how the storyline twist, no matter what happened, he kept going. Whose blood he shed, those hatred built, he just kept going. There were times where he did tried using drugs and Kallen (lol) to comfort himself. Oh~ The pain he must be feeling~

Somehow this shed a new light in my life. What happened to me was nothing in comparison to what happened to Lulu .Still, even if I was him, there is no way I will pay that kind of price. All along, he had a tragic end in mind. But it doesn't have to be that way. But it's no wonder he planned his death. I wouldn't want to live either if I had pay such an unnecessary price. Still, I do find me and Lulu a bit alike. We both have an idealistic future in mind, one of happiness. To do so, we had to make trades off. In order to rebuilt something you must destroy it first. So he tried to destroy Brittian (or however you spell it >_>) and rebuilt a new society. Whereas me, I broke up with Ranny. TO this day, I have no regret. The only regret I have is not have been the best girlfriend when I was with him. Still, like Lulu, it's one of those things that just has to be done. And like Lulu, I have my reasons and the basis/ the foundation of these reasons are all irrational~ lol In the end, it all comes down to 'aishiteru' I did it for the both of us and I will not look back. It's been a week and 2 days since Ranny officially got a new girl. The sorries, the reasons, the explanations has gotten old. What happened between us will not be in vain. Believe me. I still have faith that one day, in the future, we will meet and even fall in love again. Until then, I will march on.

Current Music: somewhere with you - Tyler Ward