“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”

Neil Gaiman quotes (English born American Novelist, Journalist, Screenwriter, Children's author and Comics writer of American Gods, amongst many others, b.1960)

Yup, that very much describes the sitution. Except the last line. lol I am feeling a lot better. Everyday I'm getting stronger and stronger. Wiser and wiser. Better and better. I hope Ranny is happy. I wish him the best, literally. I trust that he will make wise decisions. Becuase this is not about me.


Current Music: Loser Like Me - Glee

Commercial Contest

So this is my contest entry. lol Thanks to my brother and my friend, we made the vid. lol There are more clips but I didn't have time to edit and submit before the deadline. So I did what I could in that limited amount of time. Hope you enjoy it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LIQsV2X9ov0

Remember to subscribe. lol

As for today, I find it amusing how the last chapter of my psychology course is all about love, intimacy, attraction, and so on. Especially of what just happened. lol Itsn't that amusing? And I get an exam on it today. The whole day, even now, thoughts of Ranny kept coming to me. And each time it does, I tell myself to fight against any resistance that will keep Ranny from being happy. Honour our agreement. Respect his decisions. I will never stand in his way of happiness. If he finds happiness with that girl, if that girl is able to make him all that, then let it be. I want the best for him. I really do. It's the least I can do.


Current music: lose like me -Glee

Glee~

Did some crazy spending today. Got ear piercings today. Thought it'll hurt, I was hoping the physical pain would distract me. But it only a pinch, lol very tolerable. I cried in public today cuz stupid jojo said something. lol I did some studying for my exam tomorrow, still studying in fact, but I feel a lot better. I think I am finally letting go. He doesn't know me anymore. Although the thought that he's gonna be all protective over her is hurts a bit, but I will respect his choice and who knows more about boundaries than me. lol A friend of my besty is a friend of mine. Im not liking this, but it's not about me. lol I still need some time away from them but I'll be fine. Finally, this song really cheer me up. After listening it for 2 hours, I'm a ok~ lol

Glee – Loser Like Me Lyrics

Send “Loser Like Me” Ringtone to your Cell

(Lea Michele/Rachel)

Yeah, you may think that I’m a zero
But, hey, everyone you wanna be
Probably started off like me
You may say that I’m a freakshow (I don’t care)
But, hey, give me just a little time
I bet you’re gonna change your mind

All of the dirt you’ve been throwin’ my way
It ain’t so hard to take, that’s right
‘Cause I know one day you’ll be screamin’ my name
And I’ll just look away, that’s right

Just go ahead and hate on me and run your mouth
So everyone can hear
Hit me with the words you got and knock me down
Baby, I don’t care
Keep it up, I’m tunin’ up to fade you out
You wanna be
You wanna be
A loser like me
A loser like me

(Cory Monteith/Finn)

Push me up against the locker
And hey, all I do is shake it off
I’ll get you back when I’m your boss
I’m not thinkin’ ’bout you haters
‘Cause hey, I could be a superstar
I’ll see you when you wash my car

http://www.hotnewsonglyrics.com/glee-loser-like-me-lyrics.html

All of the dirt you’ve been throwin’ my way
It ain’t so hard to take, that’s right
‘Cause I know one day you’ll be screamin’ my name
And I’ll just look away, that’s right

Just go ahead and hate on me and run your mouth
So everyone can hear
Hit me with the words you got and knock me down
Baby, I don’t care
Keep it up, I’m tunin’ up to fade you out
You wanna be
You wanna be
A loser like me
A loser like me
A loser like me

Hey, you, over there
Keep the L up-up in the air
Hey, you, over there
Keep the L up, ’cause I don’t care
You can throw your sticks, and you can throw your stones
Like a rocket, just watch me go
Yeah, l-o-s-e-r
I can only be who I are

Just go ahead and hate on me and run your mouth
So everyone can hear
Hit me with the words you got and knock me down
Baby, I don’t care
Keep it up, I’m tunin’ up to fade you out
You wanna be
You wanna be
A loser like me
A loser like me

Just go ahead and hate on me and run your mouth
So everyone can hear
Hit me with the words you got and knock me down
Baby, I don’t care
Keep it up, I’m tunin’ up to fade you out
You wanna be
You wanna be
A loser like me (A loser like me)
A loser like me (A loser like me)
A loser like me

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FQ59jBudWwQ

speechless

My x got a new gf. Somehow, even tho I have no reason to, I feel so sad. SOme say it's jealousy. Other say its cuz I still love him. But it doesn't matter, because no matter what they say, Im still sad. I tried rationalizing, but it only aided a tiny bit. The whole world is celebrating that my x found 'finally' found someone.

Even when I told my siblings, they were all like 'oh good~ u can move on'. And I know I should, but everytime he comes across my mind, somehow it just kinda hurt. I don't know if we can even be friends anymore. All of a sudden, it got so awk. But I don't want to throw out like 8 years of friendship for some girl. Yet at the same time, it's not the same anymore.

What saddens me the most is that he wants me to move on too. Keep telling me to date and give other guys a try. Like yea, no, you can go screw youself.

In a way tho, I am happy that he's getting all these 'new exp'. He's so socialable, happy, friendly~ If we're meant to be, if we were wut he said like 8 years ago lol, we'll be together~ lo I don't know, but at the point in time, knowning that I'm the winner at the end, I'm happy.

He's right. I should do the same and choose from the most qualify canadiate. I want the best for me too. He's gonna have some major comepetition. By that time comes, he better be prepare.lol

God Works Miracle

The deception of OMNI Group still lingers here, in my thoughts. I'm still going to the interview tomorrow, it'll be good for experience, but that excitement died. I'm still trying to recover. Maybe it was something that my boss/friend said that made me dislike this company. I feel tricked. Their job posting was so ambiguous, they posted like nothing as their employer profile, not to mention that they have the same name as 100000000 other companies. I guess in a way, it was my stupidity, mixing the OMNI group with the OMNI group that got me really disappointed in myself. THe OMNI group I was loking at was a really impressive company, but the other OMNI group that I actually applied for was something different. Till now, I have no idea what they are and what they do. And the way they posted was very dishonest.

I feel like crying after that meeting with my boss/friend who tried to figure out what this company is about for me with the limited information we have. I know this is an excuse, but I'm just gonna say it to get it out, and then I can cry and hate myself later.

She gave me some instructions that would have I guess save me today, but I didn't exactly follow her instructions. I was upset with the deception. I felt so silly. So I called up Ranny and I ranted. About 2 hours later when I was like pass 1am, he had to go sleep and me too actually, I have a class 8:30am today. Since it was so late, I didn't do what I was suppose to do, and somehow, I have no regret. I still felt relief that Ive called Ranny. Im still happy to have heard his voice~ somehow, when I talk to him, all the problems in the world just goes away. Ironically, we were talking about the end of the world with all these earthquake, tsunami, war.

I want to thank GOd for giving me such a good friend. I know that somehow, if I put my trust in God, it will all work out well. And just like that, I got another interview on Wed for a HR position part time at this pretty well known financial company. Although I really really mess up the phone interview, taken by surprise while I was with my boss/friend shopping for dress wear for my tomorrow's interview, they still want me to come in for another interview.

God has delivered me again~ working wonders

McQueen's Idea of Canada

Since it bothers me so much, it made it on my blog. Where do I start? First of all, McQueen is just a character in this novel that we had to do in class. Through McQueen, the author attempt to capture realism which, I must say, he did a pretty amazing job, the author brought out consciously what was happening in Canada. So to sum everything that happened in Canada, I'll put it all in one word, and that is NOTHING!! Nothing happened! That's what pissed McQueen I suppose, who was an English businessman from Montreal driving for innovation and progress. Yes it left this beautiful country peaceful, which is the first aim of our constitution, but at the same time, it's dull and boring. Now here comes the interesting part: he claims that Canada unlike the States never initiate anything,never invented anything and never started anything like the depression or the world wars.

The thing is, I rather Canada be dull and boring then start a war or the depression. When I brought this up in class, the prof agreed with me, but she suggested that we would still be following whatever happens. Which, in most part, true. It's too bad that Canada can't think independently, I think it's 'cause we are not completely financially independent like the Jews.

But what strike me the most is that with the HST and the Bill C389, it clearly shows that Canada can in fact be efficient. Although they are all through personal agendas, I rather Canada be politically correct than have STUPID GAY BILLS LIKE HST AND C389!! Especially this new one private 389 bill!!! This basically say that if one claims to be a transsexual than he or she can go to the opposite sex's WASHROOM! This law claims to protect minority which is BULL CRAP!! What can't they use the handicap or have another washroom just for them!? Who is gonna protect the little boys and girls who knew nothing of this? Who is gonna protect women against men who may be mentally and emotionally unstable due to their sexual confusion? Who is going to protect OUR PRIVACY!? I hate it when Canada tries to be a leader in social change! THere are already so many incident where men hides in the washroom and rape their victims, and with this law in place, can those who sign this bill be held accountable for future robbery/ rape/ murder incidents in the washroom? I THINK NOT! So why da hell would you pass some gay law like that?! By the time these things are enforce, it's this generation who's going to be punish for their mistake.

I am starting to hate the liberal more and more.

CUrrent Music: Silly LOve Songs - Glee

so tired

I'm so sleepy but i wanna keep working. I feel so sad nowadays, I think it's the group works. THere are too many of them, and each of these group work have their own issues. Sigh, I just wanna be left alone and work on them independently. Seriously, it'll be more work but it'll save the pointless meeting time. THere's an 8am meeting tomorrow on skype via google doc. Thank God for technology. Still, I don't know how well this is gonna go. I'm so sleepy n listening to sad music. So confuse with my rela with Ranny lol I don't know what we are and it shouldn't matter, not at this point. We're friends, no more, no less. That's that.