Hail!

Somehow I started rewatching Code Gegass lol~ At such a busy time of exam, I'm rewatching anime. Although it's one of Ranny's fav. anime and yes~ I have lots of those memories of watching this anime with him, I didn't rewatch it relive those memories. It somehow just came up on youtube, so I started watching and something insightful came to my mind.

All that the main character Lulu (short.)wanted is to built a happy peaceful world where his little sister Nunnerly can live and be happy. Who knew it would become such a mess? In the process of creating this world that his little sister didn't even ask for, he lost his first love and childhood friend Euphinee (or however you spell her name), his good friend Shirley, his half brother Cloves (tho. he didn't like him much anyway), his pretended brother Rolo, his father and even his beloved mother, fought against his once most loyal bodyguard, his sister too (tho she came back later on fighting on the other side), and he pretty much became isolated from everyone. In the end, he died as well.

Still, no matter how the storyline twist, no matter what happened, he kept going. Whose blood he shed, those hatred built, he just kept going. There were times where he did tried using drugs and Kallen (lol) to comfort himself. Oh~ The pain he must be feeling~

Somehow this shed a new light in my life. What happened to me was nothing in comparison to what happened to Lulu .Still, even if I was him, there is no way I will pay that kind of price. All along, he had a tragic end in mind. But it doesn't have to be that way. But it's no wonder he planned his death. I wouldn't want to live either if I had pay such an unnecessary price. Still, I do find me and Lulu a bit alike. We both have an idealistic future in mind, one of happiness. To do so, we had to make trades off. In order to rebuilt something you must destroy it first. So he tried to destroy Brittian (or however you spell it >_>) and rebuilt a new society. Whereas me, I broke up with Ranny. TO this day, I have no regret. The only regret I have is not have been the best girlfriend when I was with him. Still, like Lulu, it's one of those things that just has to be done. And like Lulu, I have my reasons and the basis/ the foundation of these reasons are all irrational~ lol In the end, it all comes down to 'aishiteru' I did it for the both of us and I will not look back. It's been a week and 2 days since Ranny officially got a new girl. The sorries, the reasons, the explanations has gotten old. What happened between us will not be in vain. Believe me. I still have faith that one day, in the future, we will meet and even fall in love again. Until then, I will march on.

Current Music: somewhere with you - Tyler Ward

Somewhere With You

Artist: Chesney Kenny
Song: Somewhere With You
Album: Hemingway's Whiskey
Kenny Chesney Sheet Music
Kenny Chesney CDs

Download RingtoneSend “Somewhere With You” Ringtone to Cell PhoneDownload Ringtone

If you're going out with someone new
I'm going out with someone too
I won't feel sorry for me, I'm getting drunk
But I'd much rather be somewhere with you

Laughing loud on a carnival ride, yeah
Driving around on a Saturday night
You made fun of me for singing my song
Got a hotel room just to turn you on

You said pick me up at three a.m.
You're fighting with your mom again
And I'd go, I'd go, I'd go somewhere with you

I won't sit outside your house
And wait for the lights to go out
Call up an ex to rescue me, climb in their bed
When I'd much rather sleep somewhere with you

Like we did on the beach last summer
When the rain came down and we took cover
Down in your car, out by the pier
You laid me down, whispered in my ear

I hate my life, hold on to me
Ah, if you ever decide to leave
Then I'll go, I'll go, I'll go

I can go out every night of the week
Can go home with anybody I meet
But it's just a temporary high 'cause when I close my eyes
I'm somewhere with you, somewhere with you

If you see me out on the town
And it looks like I'm burning it down
You won't ask and I won't say
But in my heart I'm always somewhere with you

Laughing loud on a carnival ride, yeah
Driving around on a Saturday night
You made fun of me for singing my song
Got a hotel room just to turn you on

You said pick me up at three a.m.
You're fighting with your mom again
And I'd go, I'd go, I'd go

I can go out every night of the week
Can go home with anybody I meet
But it's just a temporary high 'cause when I close my eyes
I'm somewhere with you, somewhere with you

Somewhere with you
I'm somewhere with you
I'm somewhere with you
Somewhere with you
Somewhere with you

Suddenly

All of a sudden, I'm feeling the blues again. The thought of me not wanting to wait and the possibility of another person coming into my life made me so kinda upset.

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”

Neil Gaiman quotes (English born American Novelist, Journalist, Screenwriter, Children's author and Comics writer of American Gods, amongst many others, b.1960)

Yup, that very much describes the sitution. Except the last line. lol I am feeling a lot better. Everyday I'm getting stronger and stronger. Wiser and wiser. Better and better. I hope Ranny is happy. I wish him the best, literally. I trust that he will make wise decisions. Becuase this is not about me.


Current Music: Loser Like Me - Glee

Commercial Contest

So this is my contest entry. lol Thanks to my brother and my friend, we made the vid. lol There are more clips but I didn't have time to edit and submit before the deadline. So I did what I could in that limited amount of time. Hope you enjoy it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LIQsV2X9ov0

Remember to subscribe. lol

As for today, I find it amusing how the last chapter of my psychology course is all about love, intimacy, attraction, and so on. Especially of what just happened. lol Itsn't that amusing? And I get an exam on it today. The whole day, even now, thoughts of Ranny kept coming to me. And each time it does, I tell myself to fight against any resistance that will keep Ranny from being happy. Honour our agreement. Respect his decisions. I will never stand in his way of happiness. If he finds happiness with that girl, if that girl is able to make him all that, then let it be. I want the best for him. I really do. It's the least I can do.


Current music: lose like me -Glee

Glee~

Did some crazy spending today. Got ear piercings today. Thought it'll hurt, I was hoping the physical pain would distract me. But it only a pinch, lol very tolerable. I cried in public today cuz stupid jojo said something. lol I did some studying for my exam tomorrow, still studying in fact, but I feel a lot better. I think I am finally letting go. He doesn't know me anymore. Although the thought that he's gonna be all protective over her is hurts a bit, but I will respect his choice and who knows more about boundaries than me. lol A friend of my besty is a friend of mine. Im not liking this, but it's not about me. lol I still need some time away from them but I'll be fine. Finally, this song really cheer me up. After listening it for 2 hours, I'm a ok~ lol

Glee – Loser Like Me Lyrics

Send “Loser Like Me” Ringtone to your Cell

(Lea Michele/Rachel)

Yeah, you may think that I’m a zero
But, hey, everyone you wanna be
Probably started off like me
You may say that I’m a freakshow (I don’t care)
But, hey, give me just a little time
I bet you’re gonna change your mind

All of the dirt you’ve been throwin’ my way
It ain’t so hard to take, that’s right
‘Cause I know one day you’ll be screamin’ my name
And I’ll just look away, that’s right

Just go ahead and hate on me and run your mouth
So everyone can hear
Hit me with the words you got and knock me down
Baby, I don’t care
Keep it up, I’m tunin’ up to fade you out
You wanna be
You wanna be
A loser like me
A loser like me

(Cory Monteith/Finn)

Push me up against the locker
And hey, all I do is shake it off
I’ll get you back when I’m your boss
I’m not thinkin’ ’bout you haters
‘Cause hey, I could be a superstar
I’ll see you when you wash my car

http://www.hotnewsonglyrics.com/glee-loser-like-me-lyrics.html

All of the dirt you’ve been throwin’ my way
It ain’t so hard to take, that’s right
‘Cause I know one day you’ll be screamin’ my name
And I’ll just look away, that’s right

Just go ahead and hate on me and run your mouth
So everyone can hear
Hit me with the words you got and knock me down
Baby, I don’t care
Keep it up, I’m tunin’ up to fade you out
You wanna be
You wanna be
A loser like me
A loser like me
A loser like me

Hey, you, over there
Keep the L up-up in the air
Hey, you, over there
Keep the L up, ’cause I don’t care
You can throw your sticks, and you can throw your stones
Like a rocket, just watch me go
Yeah, l-o-s-e-r
I can only be who I are

Just go ahead and hate on me and run your mouth
So everyone can hear
Hit me with the words you got and knock me down
Baby, I don’t care
Keep it up, I’m tunin’ up to fade you out
You wanna be
You wanna be
A loser like me
A loser like me

Just go ahead and hate on me and run your mouth
So everyone can hear
Hit me with the words you got and knock me down
Baby, I don’t care
Keep it up, I’m tunin’ up to fade you out
You wanna be
You wanna be
A loser like me (A loser like me)
A loser like me (A loser like me)
A loser like me

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FQ59jBudWwQ

speechless

My x got a new gf. Somehow, even tho I have no reason to, I feel so sad. SOme say it's jealousy. Other say its cuz I still love him. But it doesn't matter, because no matter what they say, Im still sad. I tried rationalizing, but it only aided a tiny bit. The whole world is celebrating that my x found 'finally' found someone.

Even when I told my siblings, they were all like 'oh good~ u can move on'. And I know I should, but everytime he comes across my mind, somehow it just kinda hurt. I don't know if we can even be friends anymore. All of a sudden, it got so awk. But I don't want to throw out like 8 years of friendship for some girl. Yet at the same time, it's not the same anymore.

What saddens me the most is that he wants me to move on too. Keep telling me to date and give other guys a try. Like yea, no, you can go screw youself.

In a way tho, I am happy that he's getting all these 'new exp'. He's so socialable, happy, friendly~ If we're meant to be, if we were wut he said like 8 years ago lol, we'll be together~ lo I don't know, but at the point in time, knowning that I'm the winner at the end, I'm happy.

He's right. I should do the same and choose from the most qualify canadiate. I want the best for me too. He's gonna have some major comepetition. By that time comes, he better be prepare.lol