hm I think blogspot is having some issues lately~ Anyways... Life is same old~ feeling kinda down~ lol wants to have so much more but doesn't seem like I'm achieve anything. I want to go to a prestigious school. My dream schools are Harvard, Princeton, Yale, Duke, Cambridge, and Oxford. But from the looks of it, my chances are so slim. *sigh* If only...

*sigh* Recently, well I don't think it's recent, more like ever since he got a new gf lol, I've been missing him so much~ T_T Kept trying to laugh it off but at the end of the day, and I'm alone, I just want to call him up~ but he's in HK or wherever he might be~ point is, I can't just call him. Even if we're friends and friends talk on the phone, it just don't work like that... Not when you are on the other side of the world with yr gf.

Funny~ cuz that's one of the reason why I wanted to end it is that he'll be traveling around the world with his friends (guys and GIRLS *coughcough >_> not gonna say who) and I'll be stuck at home all by myself. The reality is that even if I were to be still with him, I will still be like this~ down~ cuz a part of me just wants to be wherever he is, which is impossible (as of right now). sigh

I hope you learn to cherish the things you have like today's the last. I hope you appreciate the things process as if it's the only thing you have. I hope you learn from your past mistakes.

I wish you will fall in love with me again someday...

I got this feeling that it might just happen~

moving on~ It's my father's bday today~ Happy bday daddy!! n I'm really hungry. I should sleep soon

From This Day On Part I

Too much time wasted on nothing. So, I wanna try something. I guess it can be a project... Im not doing very well right now. Still waiting for my call back. Still trying to do math. Still not knowning as many vocabs or reading as many books as I intended to. Still not jogging everday. It just seem like Im falling short in so many areas. Still, at the end of the day, I dont know why, but none of that stuff matters that much to me. Doesnt matter how many motivational speech or inspiration quotes, everything seems to loses its purposes after that height of emotion pass.

My friend said something to me the other day that keeps bugging me. Its one of those things thats just disturbing. She said Im a poor self evaluator and I always let my pride get in way. This pride is hindering my learning. I wanted to deny it but I thought back, and shes right.

I want to change that. Especially since pride got in the way with my relationship with Ranny and I vowed (lol) to eliminate anything that will hurt my relationship. So this summer, I am going learn to be a better learner. Maybe make this world a better place, simply because this is something that God wants right... and it helps with motivation... it sounds simple...

According to my research, before we get the receipt for being a good learner (then lifelong learners). I found some important concepts.

- Learning is a sport, you must make what you learn apart of yourself
- you can learn anything when you put your mind to it
-perseveres and does not become frustrated or discouraged when items are not easily understood at first.
-A good learner will realize that in many instances, learning is not always a spontaneous event, but something that is realized over a period of time.

Now comes the what I call it the 10 Learning Commandments!!

1. willing to put some time and effort into it - don't expect it just to happen.
2. study regularly and frequently
3. always think of yourself as a beginner
4. have a method: prepare,participate, review (on time and regularly)
5. able to share (ideas and knowledge)
6. remains focused on the subject matter at hand until it is well ingrained.
7. have good time mgmt skills
8. monitor the accuracy of what they say, noticing the teacher's corrections and reformulations and learning from them
9. take every opportunity to practise, including talking to themselves
10. goal orientated and self-efficacy

Thatès it for today. Not feeling very well right now. Need to sleep. Nite

Fireworks~

Happy Victoria Day~ Guess what I'll be doing on Vic holiday Monday~ the HRSA oreientation~ wohoo~ Hm I don't know, but I'm actually not that excited about it. I think the allocation of my position lowered my morale lol. But there are only 2 generalist position. That means that I don't have to cry about it. lol mhm~ u_u I guess Im kinda excited to meet new people. But it's like on Monday night. >_>

I really wanna post up my gu zheng vids but lol no camera. x_x

Current Music: You - Koda Kumi

Spring? SUmmer?

So turn out that the reason why all my joints are hurting/itching/burning/red/ weak/ etc... are not because of RA (thank God) but of allergic reaction. So I went to the doctors and he said it's caused by the strange weather lately. So my joints got confused so they inflamed. lol I don'tknow, but after taking some expire (didn't know until after I read the box) medication it all slowly went away.

Current Song: Jar of Heart - Glee

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Live~ As if there's nothing to lose.

Disappointed

So instead of giving me what I applied for (VP of Public Relation, VP of Admin., VP of Operation), guess what creative role HRSA decides to bestow me - the HRSA Generalist. Sounds pretty good eh~ Wait until you get to the job roles and responsibilities.

‐ Identify and manage tasks and issues that are not being addressed 
‐ Be aware of all events and activities that are taking place in order to 
contribute your skills effectively 
‐ Contribute to group discussions and meetings on all topics and occasions
‐ Be a helping hand to fellow council members as much as possible 

In other words, we have someone better for those more important VP positions. Still, we can use more help, so here's a position that we just made up. Like literally, there was no such position before. >_> I know they got over 200 applications but I really thought I'll get a seat at the VP position. T_T In a way, I'm really disappointed. I really wanted a VP position, for looks on my resume. u_u Now I'm a generalist. Which doesn't sound THAT bad, but still... T___T Now I'm bfless, jobless, and VPless T__T

I hope there's only one generalist. If I find out in orientations that there are like 5 other generalists I'll like cry. *sigh* If I were to take advantage tho of this situation, this might give me a chance to learn all the roles (admin, operation,PR, communication, finance, and so on). I can also now set my heart on joining the baddy team or maybe find a PT job too. I don't know...

a

I don't know what it is... Maybe it's Ranny (lol), maybe it's the medication, maybe it's cuz I'm jobless, but I suddenly lost motivation. There is no amount of jackets that can make me happy. No music can lift me. No food can comfort me.

I lost that drive to succeed, that thirst to win. I don't feel like doing anything. This sense of nothingless is wasting my time. *sigh* Let's talk about something more interesting, something more enlightening.

Politics~ Whoever thought politics are for the old and dying are obviously just plain ignorant. I get o.O whenever my classmates/ friends express their zero interest in politics. Although their reasons are fair enough I suppose (for them), but I don't understand why shouldn't you be concern on what is happening in the very place that you live in. Even if you don't have a say, your voice won't be heard anyway, I think it's important to be aware of what is happening.

For those who were on vacation during the 2011 election (Ranny), missed a critical mark in Canadian history. lol And now the background stories are out. Behind the scene, the strategies used, the techniques and methods that were executed by our majority government Harper was just brilliant. Layton too played well, like a true politician. Cunning and manipulative. Targeting young people and those who are not in favour of any parties. Liberals, on the other hand, just fell apart. Just like how Globe and Mail put it - the leaderless Liberals.

On another note, I really wanna buy aLan's Voice of You. u_u lol That was completely random. lo

Gonna do some stats now....